Archive for May, 2008

I met a friend at Starbucks after work and then went to the tanning bed. OH glorious rays of light shining on my skin, warming me to the very core of my being! It was wonderful. Afterward, Tim & I met at Longhorn for dinner. I was waiting in my car for him to arrive (and he was LATE!). While sitting there, I felt the car was a bit stuffy and rolled the window down. Then I leaned over on the door to enjoy the air and glanced in the sideview mirror.

The reflection looking back at me was a pleasant smiling face. I just stared into the mirror for a time of thought. I’ve never been a mirror person (although when I did have on some great makeup and my hair was just done, I might look and think “Gee, I wish I looked like this all the time!”). So this was a big step for me to simply observe and ponder. I have come so far from the scared, poor self esteem girl that I once was. And, this has nothing to do with my body. This has to do with my head, my face, ME, the person staring back at me in the mirror.

I actually liked my smile, I have these cute little dimples. My teeth are all in place, and straight. That’s nice. I had just applied lipstick and the colors were shimmer summer colors with different luminescent colors. My makeup looked good with my darkening skin tone and especially since I had my hair turned brighter blond.

You’re probably thinking, “Who cares what you look like!” and wish I would skip the descriptions. But, I’m not meaning to focus on the color of lipstick, hair or anything else. My point is: I LIKED WHAT I SAW. This is a reality that I never quite got before…

I also saw a woman who has finally started to come into her own, possessing more confidence with herself. And, whose social skills are blossoming. I feel normal in life. I don’t feel like a cast away, something I have always felt even since a child. *Let me once again reiterate: this has NOTHING to do with how much I weigh. This has to do with inner struggles and securities that I have always had (and I haven’t always been overweight).

I do sometimes make some reflections on the inner person… I’m not all that outward focused! I realize that a person is much more than their outward physical appearance. We are all so complex, made up of little quirks, personality traits, attributes, moods, ways in which we uniquely communicate, give/receive love, give/receive criticism, the list goes on and on! We are all so unique!

Tim drove up as I was staring in the mirror… I felt embarrassed. Really, what would I say if he asked what I was doing… “Oh just admiring myself.” Wouldn’t that sound like quite a crap load of conceitedness!?

I have a wish for you. I hope that you are getting to know yourself better, and that when you look into your mirror, you see someone beautiful staring back… not someone that you despise, hate or loathe. I hope that you learn to love yourself. NOT related to weight loss or weight loss surgery or how thin you might be. Just the fact that you are a human being, able to feel and think and reason, and that you have such wonderful attributes which are to be admired! I hope you and I together can learn that we have a radiant beauty that shines from the inside to the outside!

I receive email every day from folks asking how to get the weight off. Some have gained weight back after losing a massive amount while others have never reached their goal weight after surgery. For whatever reasons, they are not at the weight that they feel best at and ask for assistance. Most recently, on a message board, one poster asked, “Am I A Failure?” I think that’s what many of the emails say to me… “I’ve messed up. Tell me how to fix it.”

I’ve also had people, after learning that I’m a gastric bypass patient, say to me, “I knew someone who had that surgery and gained all of their weight back. I am going to tell them about your website and maybe they can get some help.” While I don’t profess to be a dietician or an expert, for the most part I can try to point people in the overall direction or at least to great resources like Bariatric Eating, Living After WLS, and Obesity Help. I try to answer the questions as best I can from my experiences, but the more wealth of information that you can bring in, the better.

But it really upsets me when I hear or read of these individuals who are struggling. In part, many times it is that they never fully made the necessary lifestyle changes that are imperative to being a longterm success. Simply put, their ways of eating never changed. If a person continues on in the same course of action that they have always made, they will get the same results every time. In other words, change is inevitable and necessary for success. One poor lady was fighting change so much… she was not willing to let go of the former life habits. No wonder it was so hard for her! In order for it to BECOME easy, a person has to relinquish control, one’s will and STOP fighting the changes! Sure it will be a difficult transition, but right now its hell anyway. The sooner a person embraces the changes and puts them into practice, the sooner adjustments can be made and life will become less stressful when it comes to eating and the wls life.

Often times, much guilt is present in the person who does not reach goal, lose all the weight that they or their surgeon has set for them, or for those who do have regain. Thus, the question: Am I A Failure? I like this question for one reason, and one reason alone. It’s this: individual responsibility. There is no blaming the surgery or saying, “My surgery failed ME.” Instead, the person realizes that something occurred along the journey that messed them up… and it was not the surgery. There were some mistakes on behalf of the wls patient and that person KNOWS it.

I mostly hate this question because it brings such condemnation, such loss of hope, it snuffs out the ability to look forward to the future. It’s a dark place anytime condemnation hangs over one’s head. It doesn’t chide one to do better. Instead it makes one feel so terrible about themselves until they just want to quit and throw in the towel all together! There is good news though. Once a person admits, “OK I have blown it! I did some things wrong.” then he/she can make changes in daily life which will thrust them closer to the winner’s ribbon… like a 5K run…

Maybe today you have gotten distracted in the race… you see the finish line and the winner’s ribbon up ahead, but for some reason, you’ve even taken some fast steps backward. All hope is not lost. You still have a re-routed system that will be your friend and confidante, helping you to lose those unwanted pounds. Go back to the basics. Get out your surgeon’s manual. Hey, buy “Weight Loss Surgery For Dummies” if you have to! Get on some message boards and ask questions such as “How do I get back on track?” But know that all hope is not lost. You can start this very moment to incorporate change into your life. You probably already know all the basics anyway. So what are you waiting for?

And it’s this: “You can get glad in the same pants that you got mad.”

If you are a consistent reader of the blog, you know that I call my mother every single day on my way in to work. Unless, I’m tired, running really late, or am eating something and need both hands (one to drive with, one to eat with). Today was no different… mom asked me “Are you in a better mood today?” My reply: “Not really.” She always follows it up with a question, which, really drives me crazy. “Why not?” Now if I knew why, I would fix it so that I would be in a better mood! I don’t LIKE being in a bad mood!

She reminds me that I have so much to be thankful for. So I ask, “Like what?” I’m asking cause I need to be reminded. Not that I can’t list them on my own… I’m sure if I sat down and gave it some thought, my brain could come up with a million different things such as “I don’t live in a 3rd world country.” Or, “I’m not laying half dead in a hospital critical care unit in a coma.” True. We all have a lot to be thankful for, sometimes we need to hear those reasons, not the reasons that say “You could be worse off…” but the reasons that give solid proof, the ones that you KNOW you have and possess.

So she says:

    * You have a good job.

    * You have a nice house.

    * You have a new car.

    * You have a wonderful man.

    * You are thin.

True. True. True. True. So how come I feel like poopy? How come I am agitated? How come I just want to go back to bed this morning? How come I don’t want to write a blog on my website that I have poured my heart and soul into? How come I want to take off the next person’s head that comes into my office and asks me a stupid question? Is it PMS? Who knows. Is it depression? Who knows. But, stay tuned for tomorrow’s version of “As Melinda’s World Turns” to get an update.