I receive email every day from folks asking how to get the weight off. Some have gained weight back after losing a massive amount while others have never reached their goal weight after surgery. For whatever reasons, they are not at the weight that they feel best at and ask for assistance. Most recently, on a message board, one poster asked, “Am I A Failure?” I think that’s what many of the emails say to me… “I’ve messed up. Tell me how to fix it.”
I’ve also had people, after learning that I’m a gastric bypass patient, say to me, “I knew someone who had that surgery and gained all of their weight back. I am going to tell them about your website and maybe they can get some help.” While I don’t profess to be a dietician or an expert, for the most part I can try to point people in the overall direction or at least to great resources like Bariatric Eating, Living After WLS, and Obesity Help. I try to answer the questions as best I can from my experiences, but the more wealth of information that you can bring in, the better.
But it really upsets me when I hear or read of these individuals who are struggling. In part, many times it is that they never fully made the necessary lifestyle changes that are imperative to being a longterm success. Simply put, their ways of eating never changed. If a person continues on in the same course of action that they have always made, they will get the same results every time. In other words, change is inevitable and necessary for success. One poor lady was fighting change so much… she was not willing to let go of the former life habits. No wonder it was so hard for her! In order for it to BECOME easy, a person has to relinquish control, one’s will and STOP fighting the changes! Sure it will be a difficult transition, but right now its hell anyway. The sooner a person embraces the changes and puts them into practice, the sooner adjustments can be made and life will become less stressful when it comes to eating and the wls life.
Often times, much guilt is present in the person who does not reach goal, lose all the weight that they or their surgeon has set for them, or for those who do have regain. Thus, the question: Am I A Failure? I like this question for one reason, and one reason alone. It’s this: individual responsibility. There is no blaming the surgery or saying, “My surgery failed ME.” Instead, the person realizes that something occurred along the journey that messed them up… and it was not the surgery. There were some mistakes on behalf of the wls patient and that person KNOWS it.
I mostly hate this question because it brings such condemnation, such loss of hope, it snuffs out the ability to look forward to the future. It’s a dark place anytime condemnation hangs over one’s head. It doesn’t chide one to do better. Instead it makes one feel so terrible about themselves until they just want to quit and throw in the towel all together! There is good news though. Once a person admits, “OK I have blown it! I did some things wrong.” then he/she can make changes in daily life which will thrust them closer to the winner’s ribbon… like a 5K run…
Maybe today you have gotten distracted in the race… you see the finish line and the winner’s ribbon up ahead, but for some reason, you’ve even taken some fast steps backward. All hope is not lost. You still have a re-routed system that will be your friend and confidante, helping you to lose those unwanted pounds. Go back to the basics. Get out your surgeon’s manual. Hey, buy “Weight Loss Surgery For Dummies” if you have to! Get on some message boards and ask questions such as “How do I get back on track?” But know that all hope is not lost. You can start this very moment to incorporate change into your life. You probably already know all the basics anyway. So what are you waiting for?
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