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Archive for July, 2008

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Jul
30/08
Confession is Good
Last Updated on Wednesday, 30 July 2008 02:59
Written by Melinda
Wednesday, July 30th, 2008

Many churches have a revival every year. The preacher comes, preaches the word, unconverted people “come to Jesus”…. but another purpose for revival is for the saints to ‘fess up and get back on the right path, should they have made mistakes. Revival is for everyone. Even the preacher of your church, cause if he didn’t need revival, HE’D be the preacher! They give him a time to be refreshed too. Now hang with me here, I’m not preaching a sermon but am giving an analogy to get me to my point!

 

Well the fact is, we ALL struggle…. even the preacher (or in our case, even the most successful post-op, EVEN if he/she does not want to admit it)! The key is, are we going to be honest with ourselves (and others) ? If so, then there is a great release and freedom that will come. But if not, we are held in bondage, almost as if we blackmail ourselves, hang a dirty ransom note over our own head and say “I know something no one else knows, and you ought to be ashamed.” That also keeps us going back to the very same mistake that we are trying to hide! Isn’t that how it goes, even though it sounds so ironic?

 

Some people don’t take their vitamins regularly. Others haven’t kept their food journals, drank their protein shakes, never stopped consuming carbs.  I know some people who continue eating sugar and are willing to pay the consequences of dumping.  But today I am going to raise my hand in public to say I have not faithfully taking my iron pills. I have them on the top of the commode in the same basket that all my other vitamins are in, but because they are my night pill, I have forgotten to get them. I am thinking about taking them to work and take one every day at a time when I don’t take anything else. But I find myself tired, rundown… like I’m about to run out of gas and am running on fumes.

 

I know better! I don’t need anyone to educate me on the side effects of not taking my iron. I have given the same sermon to others who come on the boards and say “guess what? I am not taking (vitamins, iron) pills.” But I do need a butt kicking!  So it is a lifelong commitment and struggle at times to do all the things we need to do as successful patients. I am getting up this moment to put the iron pills in my work bag. I am going to make a plan and make a commitment to do better.

 

It just goes to show how one missed pill can turn into a bad habit, which can then turn into a health problem.  One wrong decision can lead us completely off track, and we find ourselves at a place we never meant to journey. 

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Jul
28/08
How Full or Empty is Your Cup?
Last Updated on Monday, 28 July 2008 06:00
Written by Melinda
Monday, July 28th, 2008

They say the way to determine an optimist or pessimist is how they view a cup that has water to the halfway mark.  Is it half full?  Is it half empty?  While this post really has nothing to do with cups or water, it does have to do with how we view life.  I wanted to share a few observations. 

As I walked into work one day last week, there was an older man watering the flowers outside.  He seemed pretty content in what he was doing, as if he really enjoyed it.  I said, “Good morning!” to him and immediately he turned with a smile that covered his face.  He said, “Good morning to you!”  I remember thinking that this is a person who has contentment and joy in his heart, even if he did have to get out of bed and come to work!  

Then this morning, on my way in, I smiled and greeted a lady.  It did not invoke the same response from her.  She didn’t smile, nor speak, and continued walking in a hum drum manner.  Her body language said, “I’m not living.  I’m merely existing.”  There was no joy, almost a dread in her face. 

It made me wonder:  what do others think of me when they see me?  When they greet me, do I respond? Or continue on in the hum drum misery of life?  And if I do respond, what do they see in my body actions or facial expressions?  Do I show joy and zest for life, or at least an attempt to be happy?  Or, an overall feeling of despair and boredom?  Just a thought.

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Jul
24/08
I GAINED weight!
Last Updated on Tuesday, 5 January 2010 08:48
Written by Melinda
Thursday, July 24th, 2008

I’m 5′4. I was 251 lbs when I started this journey. Lord, I lived a lie so many years. It’s a good thing those sins are cast into the sea of forgetfulness cause I told people all my obese years that I was big boned. I never knew, and who else knew, I had a tiny bone structure???  (I should have known since at birth I weighed 5 lbs, 4 ozs. but how could I remember)  So does that count as a sin if I was ignorant and told lies? Hmmm there is a moral dilemma that we may never answer!

My lowest weight was 116 lbs. As I lay in the emergency room bed during last year’s kidney stone attack, I felt afraid for the first time that my weight might be too low. Now keep in mind that when I looked into the mirror, I still saw Fat Melinda. Skinny Melinda was still coming around very slowly in my mind’s eye, but for the most part, I was still that good ole girl who weighed 251. So as I laid there on the hospital gurney, I thought “If I were to get sick, Lord forbid, but if I did, I have no body fat to live on.” I told Tim that day in the room that I was scared and needed to gain some weight. Who on earth says that after losing so much?

The scales continued to be my god until just a few months ago… each day whether I was happy or sad in my journey was determined by the magic number. 118, 119, 123, 121, 118, up and down up and down. I knew that if it ever got up to 125, oh my heavens! We would surely have a major catastrophe on our hands! And then we must surely break out the protein shakes for a major 3 day liquid protein train!

Recently, my weight has shifted from 121 as the low, 125 as the high. Once when I was VERY constipated, it was 127. OH Heavens! But I was ok. I was calm.. I was not worried. I felt great. I even like my bumps and curves. I like my new blue jeans. I like my clothes fitting well now. I don’t have gaps in the backs of my pants at the band because they actually FIT good.

Why do I share this? Because I want you to know that sometimes things swing the other direction. We can actually lose a little too much and need to gain a little. I am right in the center of where my bmi needs to be for healthy. Before it was on the low side. Not unhealthy, just low. But now my head has mostly caught up with my body and I can almost see myself as thin… at times I don’t FEEL thin but that’s another story entirely!

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Jul
22/08
One Year Meeting Anniversary
Last Updated on Tuesday, 22 July 2008 01:29
Written by Melinda
Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008

Yesterday was the one year anniversary that Tim & I met for the first time.  Our first official meeting took place at Starbucks (which is also the first time he had ever been to a Starbucks).  While I had planned on eating at Stoney River Legendary Steakhouse, I was still not in the best of moods.  So I opted to save that for another time when I felt better.  Instead, we went to Chili’s where I had a chicken salad.

When we arrived and once seated, Tim asked “Are you feeling better today?”  I explained that while I did feel a little better, I was still  not up to par.  He pulled a white box out of his left pocket and said, “Maybe this will make you feel better.”  I opened the box and there was the ring I have so much been longing for!  It’s the heart ring I found at Penneys a few months back.  On the inside, it is inscribed “All My Love.”  Now let me just stop here to insert that at the time, Tim would not buy it.  I wanted the ring so much that I almost bought it for myself, except that it would look pretty stupid buying a ring for yourself that had “All My Love” inscribed inside!  So I finally gave up the fight and notion that the ring was meant for me.  

I had actually seen two heart rings that I wanted.  One was a wedding set. So my first question upon seeing the ring was “Which hand does it go on?”  Was it a gift of love ring or was it an engagement ring? I had no clue! But honestly at that moment it didn’t matter, I just didn’t want to put it on the wrong hand and then feel so totally stupid or embarrassed! It’s the right hand ring.  No left handed ring yet so we will wait for another time and season. 

Afterward, we picked up a bottle of Riesling and later that evening I enjoyed a small wine glass full along with one rasberry filled Godiva chocolate.  And let me just say, I have never had wine and chocolate together.  Separately, these two items are tasty but together they are magnificent!  

I still feel a cloud of depression today but each day it seems to get better.  Sunday seemed to be the worst of it as I felt anxiety about going to a wedding tea.  I fretted and worried over everything almost to the point of tears.  Had the tears not messed up my makeup, I probably would have just given up and let it all flow out.  Instead, I fought it hard until late in the evening.  I was spent and exhausted in my emotions, and finally fell asleep on the couch out of sheer exhaustion alone! 

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