Archive for August, 2008

I’ve had quite the most relaxing time while in Orange Beach, Alabama.  Our alarm clock has not even been plugged in, and we have no times to be anywhere.  We get up when we want, go eat when I want, and go to bed when we want.  Notice I said, “go eat when I want…” as our eating schedule evolves around ME, Me, me.  I can’t help it!  And the thing is, I never know what I will be hungry for.  Today it was Italian food at a place called “Franco’s Italian Food” but it was too early in the day and the restaurant did not open until 4:00.  We found a Godfather’s Pizza instead.  I had a salad (which was wonderful) from the lunch buffet and my plate piled high with pizza.  Tim’s eyes got big as he asked, “Are you PLANNING on eating all of that?”  Why of course not!  I scraped all the toppings off 6 slices of pizza (now before you have a heart attack, they don’t put many toppings on the buffet pizzas.  That’s why I had so many.)  My tummy was quite satisfied when we left.

This afternoon I took a nap.  The waves on the beach relax me and make me tired.  Tim & I took a long walk out on the beach about an hour ago.  The waves were crashing hard against one another, and one came way far up on the beach, smashing into me and almost carried me out to sea!  I screamed. It was so cold, and my goodness I sure would not have had that problem at 251 lbs!  To actually worry that I would be carried away with a wave into the ocean.

I picked up shells yesterday and today.  Isn’t it funny how you can learn a life lesson by doing or observing events?  At first, I wanted only PERFECT shells.  I saw broken pieces of others but would not even bend down to pick them up, let alone look at them.  But I was on a quest to find beautiful, perfect unbroken shells.  The problem was, they all looked alike.  And, were mostly small.  They appeared to be cookie cutter versions of one another and not very colorful.  I started thinking about how in life, we seem to want perfect mates, perfect friends, perfect jobs.  We don’t even stop to observe or think about the ones that have a flaw.  We just pass them by.  But today, I noticed colorful, coral colored shells with stripes and ridges.  One broken shell kept following me on the beach.  I was not going to pick it up, and the waves washed it right at my feet.  I stepped away.  Another wave washed it towards my feet again.  I finally got the hint and reached down to pick it up.  It was a beautiful shell at one time, still had its character but pieces were missing.  It made me wonder what it originally looked like before forced to weather the storm and then busted into shards.

Another thing I noticed today in the midst of the beginning phases of Hurricane Gustav.  All the perfect shells are hidden.  They are nowhere to be found.  All the large broken shells are now visible.  It’s something how broken articles make their presence known in the storm.  I know some broken people whose finest hours are during the storms.  These individuals are those who have been rejected, cast offs by society and yet are the strongest and have personalities that are not cookie cutter versions of anything or anyone else.  Perfect people really haven’t had to weather storms.  They hide when trouble comes, just as the perfect little seashells on the beach remain hidden, and therefore are not susceptible to conditions that would break or mar them in any way.  I guess that is all of my philosophical theories for the day…

Let me just leave you with a funny. Remember this summer when Tim & I were at the lake, and he mentioned how there were small fish swimming around my feet? I about had a heart attack! Well, this morning, I saw what I thought was a shell and asked Tim to reach down for it.  As he lifted the sand, the shell started walking right towards me!  I shrieked, “Ahh, oh my God, oh my God!  What is it? It’s moving, it’s gonna get me!”  There was a family nearby watching, and several of their children started moving towards us to see what the commotion was all about.  A crab came up out of the ground and started moving towards my feet, and I freaked out!  It was the cutest little critter…  he had two black bug eyes on top of his little whitish pink body, and just scurried around along the sand.  The children continued to chase it as Tim & I walked the other direction back to our chairs.  Later, another crab was around our chairs and Tim chased it but a seagull swooped in to eat the crab. Tim chased the crab back out to the ocean, saving its life from the seagull.  I kept teasing him, saying that the bird might just be hungry enough to peck on him!  That would provide a tasty dinner!

Hurricane Gustav is supposed to touch in this area so Mike and Tim have been watching radar and Weather.com to make a decision on whether we should stay until tomorrow or go home tonight.  As I am typing right now, they are sitting in the living room looking at the weather, estimating what time we would leave and arrive back in Tennessee, will we stop to eat, etc. and I am waiting on a picture to arrive via email to post here on my site.  There is laundry in the washer, and we have made the decision now to go back to Tennessee tonight, before Gustav makes his grand entrance.

Today…  finally the time for our mini-vacation.  I’ve been looking forward to this for a number of weeks.  After all, I didn’t take a vacation this year.  And I have a chance to spend it with my two favorite men (Mike and Tim).  I’ve attached our itinerary for those interested and a small summary of each.

7:15 Mike arrived at the apartment to pick us up.  I hate to pack and prepare for trips because ultimately, it never fails.  I forget something. I was uncertain and felt like there was a missing piece of the puzzle, but Tim assured me that we had it all packed and ready.

7:45 Got to Cracker Barrell for breakfast.  I had an egg, 1/2 pc wheat toast, 1/4 pc ham with a half piece of cheese on top, and a few bites of grits with splenda, butter and milk.  All the rest, I handed over to Tim’s plate.

8:30 Got on the interstate for our “travel adventures” – Destination:  Gulf Shores, Al.  After being in the Yukon for about ten minutes, I asked Tim “Where are the pillows?”  EUREKA!!  I found out what we were missing from the house!  Both pillows and lap blankets for our vehicle travels got left on the bed.  Note to self:  check the apartment before going on trips.

10:00  Arrived in Huntsville, on the steps of Russell Stover Outlet where we purchased $32. worth of sugar free candy.  **I was so excited! Like a kid in a candy store! Well, a 38 yr old woman in a candy store!  Before wls, while on a low carb diet, I found Russell Stover’s sugar free version of M&M’s.  But after wls, I have looked high and low, even on Russell Stover’s website and on the internet for these.  To NO AVAIL!  I almost peed my pants as I shrieked in glee to find bag after bag of these “peanut M&M’s” there on the shelf!  I bought 8 bags.  And, that was prior to tasting them again SINCE wls…  I haven’t had them in years!  I will be stopping on the way home to Tennessee and picking up more after it passed my taste test in the car.  *They will definitely go into Melinda’s pantry of sugar free and protein goodies for future reference and use!!!  Hallelujah!

11:30 Began to ask “When are we eating lunch?”  Tim and Mike both said they were not hungry but I was getting anxious for lunch.  I normally eat lunch at work around 11, 11:30 at the latest.  They, however, are able to hold more food in their stomachs than I am…  plus, I am not a huge breakfast fan and picked around on my food this morning.  I get real obsessive about food.  I must have access to it or else I get very nervous!

1:30  Finally arrived at Ruby Tuesday in the general vicinity of South Montgomery, Al.  I had the salad bar and chicken pot pie but was too full to eat the pot pie.  I filled up on salad.  Bad wls patient, I know.  But sometimes I can’t help myself when it comes to salad.

2:30 Back on the road.  Stopped for gas and I bought a cup of ice for a chocolate latte drink brought from home.

3:15 Stopped for a potty break.  Sign on the wall of a gas station said:  “Employees must wash their hands before returning to work.”  Someone changed the words with an ink pen so that it said:  “EVERYONE must wash their hands before returning to LIFE.”  Thought that was quite appropriate!

5:15 Arried at our condominium!  Tim checked in at the guest desk and Mike & I toted in the groceries and bags with the carts provided.  I love the condo!  Now, I must make a confession.  You probably know by now how afraid I am to leave the house without food… plenty of food!  I packed up an entire cooler full of dry foods, and another cooler full of Kroger Carbmaster yogurt and drinks.  When we arrived at the condo, I arranged the “goodies” in baskets.  No lie, there are 3 basketfulls!  Mike said he felt like a visiting guest minister who arrives to baskets of goodies as a gift of hospitality!

I have low carb/high protein chips, pretzels, trail mix, granola, snack cakes, protein bars, protein powders, sugar free candy (chocolate, hard candy), cookies of different sorts.  I raided my stash of products that I have gathered as finds from GNC, Vitamin Shoppe, Bariatric Eating…  I don’t want to be caught wanting something and grabbing the unhealthy version.  Instead, I will have the healthy alternative on hand.

I probably will not eat very much, if any, of the goodies.  But, it helps me feel comfortable to have them here with me just in case I have a low blood sugar episode, and also to make sure I am able to eat my small snacks to prevent them from occurring.

I will update tomorrow…  As for this evening, we are off to Lambert’s – Home of the Throwed Rolls!

Tim’s niece is getting married this weekend.  We’re traveling down to Gulf Shores, Alabama for the ceremony and using the long Labor Day for a mini-vacation.  Mike, my former roommate, is also going with us.  I am so fortunate to have my best friend and boyfriend actually like one another and willing to spend time with me at the same time.  How much better could it get?  Mike has been like a brother to me for nearly 20 years.  Hard to believe!

On our way down, we are visiting Lambert’s, Home of the Throwed Rolls.  Now, I am not going to lie to you.  I am going to eat one of the rolls.  And, it will have butter on it.  This is good ole fashioned country cooking, and in advance I recognize my need for restraint.  There is nothing worse than to be in a vehicle, unable to have ready accessibility to a restroom, and unable to lay down in your own bed.  After all, we all know that those are  two very important factors should you (1) overeat and (2) have any reaction such as dumping because of too much fat, sugar or grease intake.  I will take it easy and proceed with caution!  I promise!  Not only that, I will keep my eyes on Mike (also a wls patient) to make sure he does not overdo it, also.

Tim, however, well he is the only able body who has an unrestrictive digestive system, unrouted, and therefore he will be able to throw caution to the wind!  He can eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants, in as much quantity as he wants.  But don’t be fooled.  I will surely be there with low carb tortilla chips and salsa in hand at the condo all weekend long, with a few protein bars, shakes and sugar free treats just to remind him that he needs some dieting too! LOL.

Gosh, I’m almost afraid for him to read this post!  Just today I told him about a conversation I had with a friend of mine (in my gastric support group) who would like her husband to lose a few pounds.  She said she won’t “hound him” about his eating, after all we as formerly obese individuals know what that was like.  Tim asked “Is that your way of telling me in a roundabout way that I need to go on a diet?”  I swear, it was NOT.  I just always talk to him about interesting conversations that I have with my friends!

While we’re on the subject of diets (after all this is a former fatty’s website),  I have felt like eating the world this past week.  Started my period a few days ago.  I have craved carbs so much. And bloated!!  Feel like if you stuck me with a pin, I would explode!  My pants are feeling a bit too tight, I have been obsessive over my weight and looks, and feeling like a failure.  Of course, I know I’m not a failure.  I know in my mind that it’s all about hormones!  But each month I continue to fight these old demons that rear their ugly heads.  I am not convinced that the dosage of Lexapro is correct.  I may need to have the doctor adjust it, increasing it just a bit.  I can tell a difference but the anxiety continues to linger.  I noticed some irritability Tuesday while riding in the car.  I was apprehensive about making it to our destination so that I didn’t feel couped up in the small quarters or worry about wrecking in traffic.

Guess I will post more about our mini-vacation as details come.  Stay tuned!