Archive for July, 2009

Jul
22/09

Last Updated on Wednesday, 9 December 2009 09:13
Written by Melinda
Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009

In April, the carnival came to town. They were just a block down the road, and the bright lights and thoughts of cotton candy, funnel cakes, and corn dogs allured me. (Someone is thinking, “Are you EATING that stuff?” Why, no! It’s more nostalgia than anything… to walk down memory lane by recreating a past experience). Twice that week, I made Tim take me although he refused to ride anything. I didn’t want to do it alone, so we just walked around for awhile. A week ago, he said he actually enjoyed those two evenings at the carnival (I call it a fair, but he states its called a carnival). So… guess what came rolling in to town Sunday afternoon? YOU GUESSED IT! The carnival!

So… Timmy old boy has NO reason in the world (now that he has admitted that he liked it) not to take me! After my photography class last night, at 9:00, I came bopping into the house and exclaimed, “Come on! We’ve got to go right now! The carnival is open, they are not busy and I can take PICTURES!” So… within a few minutes, we were walking around the mall parking lot where the carnival is set up, and I was snapping photos of all the bright lights! One man operating a ride asked me, “Are you with the press, or just taking personal pictures?” I explained I was trying out my new camera. He smiled, asked a few questions, and I was on my way once again. I guess my photography lesson inspired me to where I was thinking of some good opportunities to use my camera. I wish the instructor would provide us with some good “homework ideas”. I am more creative when given a topic or specific project to do.

I enjoyed our first night at the carnival. By no means will it be our last! I am trying to talk my nephew into going with us so that he will ride something with me. He’s 18, so there’s no excuse for HIM… He’s not too old, and he has a strong stomach. I’m not so sure about myself, however, but it is worth a try. Here is an interesting photo that I took of a table full of fish bowls (at some game where they tried to holler out at us, “Step right up” or some other corny allurement). Notice the front row, and how the colors reflecting make it look like multi colored liquid. How cool is that? It doesn’t take much to amuse this ole girl!

Now tell me that you don’t think this doesn’t bring back memories of your childhood? I was enticed by the bright, sparkly lights… Ewwww, Ahhhh…. But, I was NOT enticed by the food. I could probably “dump” just thinking about putting a funnel cake with all that grease and sugar into my mouth! I have learned that we can still have wonderful experiences with food, and that it doesn’t always have to involve consuming it!

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Jul
20/09

Photo Walk 2009

Last Updated on Wednesday, 9 December 2009 09:17
Written by Melinda
Monday, July 20th, 2009

Bright and early Saturday morning. 7 am. Yes, we had to be AT the location for the photo walk. Originally we scheduled for the Nashville location and it was set to begin at 1:00 in the afternoon. I was quite surprised to receive notification that the Franklin walk started at 7 am! I met a group of other friends who are all from my weight loss surgery community. We’re all amateur photographers. Hey, who am I fooling? I wouldn’t even make the title “amateur”. I’m more like “first time user”. I had barely filled five rolls of film over the course of my entire lifetime until May when Tim bought me a digital camera! I’m enjoying the picture taking, but come on. I doubt I’ll ever be a pro. First, I’m just not THAT interested in photography. Second, I’m not technical enough to figure out all the features. Third, when do I have time? Those who can DO. Those who don’t, blog. LOL. Just kidding!

Anyway, I had a rough start. We all joined together, got our little name tags showing we were participants, and all the women wanted to get a cup of coffee at the espresso shop. That took about 15 minutes from our 2 hour schedule. Next, we walked one block and oh my heavens, something happened! A cramp hit my stomach and it almost doubled me over. I had to use the restroom. So the group were all walking and Tim & I in the back of the crowd. I said, “Tim, we have to go RIGHT NOW. I have to use the bathroom really bad.” We hollered up at the group that I was going back. I sat in the bathroom at Puckett’s Restaurant for quite a long period of time. Then felt better and we caught up with the group which had already made it around the block. Then not five minutes later, my stomach started to cramp again. “Tim! I have to go back to the bathroom!” So we once again made our way to the starting point where I visited another restaurant to use their restroom. A total of 45 minutes was spent staring at the walls of a bathroom and wishing Jesus would come to take me home! I was so nauseous and wanted to vomit. Evidently the greasy food I ate the day before had finally taken its toll on my carb & grease sensitive body innards!

My friend, Scott, took my camera and shot a few pics of me. Don’t ask where Tim is! He was about a block away scoping out the view (probably hoping he didn’t have to wait outside the restaurants as I visited their powder room!) Here is a pic that I liked. It makes it APPEAR that I sat down in front of a store at the wee hours of the morning waiting on them to open their doors… why? Look in the background at the SALE sign! Sounds like something I would do!

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Jul
14/09

I Feel Unvalidated

Last Updated on Tuesday, 14 July 2009 02:27
Written by Melinda
Tuesday, July 14th, 2009

Yesterday I visited a neurologist to see about these tingling/numb sensations I’ve been experiencing. I took a copy of my lab spreadsheet (all labs done since 2006) along with some handwritten notes of what other weight loss surgery patients’ doctors have mentioned to them. The neurologist (who was being followed by an intern) asked a bunch of questions, wanted a chronological listing of symptoms, etc. and then come to a conclusion that I have Small Fiber Sensory Neuropathy. I don’t doubt his diagnosis. What I do doubt are the things that he threw in with the diagnosis.

Halfway through the appointment, he had me change into a gown. While in the room without him, I almost burst into tears. I was so upset. I felt unvalidated. I felt like a hypochondriac. I felt like an idiot, and almost as if I had been “reprimanded”. He came back into the room and then proceeded to do a series of physical examinations/tests. He had me walk down the hall, watched me walk, then jog, walk on my heels, tip toes, walk a straight line putting one foot in front of the other. The entire time I did these things, my muscles felt weak. I feel almost like I’m nervous and shaky, and very cold. He then did some resistance tests where I had to keep him from pushing my hands down, etc. He said while I feel weak, I’m actually very strong. (It’s kind of like when my hands and feet feel like they are about to break off my body because they are freezing, Tim says they are hot to him.)

The doctor stated that I had many labs ran, and asked what would convince me that I did NOT have any deficiencies? I said, “If I had my thiamine checked. But no one has ran labs on it.” Yeah, well he didn’t do it either. He basically told me that he would NOT run a micronutrient test as they were a waste of money, and that 20% of gastric bypass patients have this neuropathy. It may or may not be permanent. Unless it gets incredibly painful, there’s no need in doing any further testing or prescribe medication. (I don’t WANT medications! I want you to run a friggin thiamine test). He also said he has never seen a case of BeriBeri in the United States, and that I would probably leave his office and get a second opinion… and probably continue on until I found someone who would eventually agree with me, do a micronutrient analysis, tell me that yes my selenium or manganese is low, and then have me on supplements. He cautioned me about the use of supplements, and not to go overboard, and that this could lead to obsessive behavior.

Thanks, doc for your vote of confidence. The more I think about it, the more upset I get. He said that there is one person who has done a study of neuropathy in the weight loss surgery patient, and that is Dr. Dyck at Mayo Clinic. He told me that if I wanted to go to Mayo or John Hopkins, he could provide my records but often times those places take a long time to get into IF they will accept you. I did look up the name Dr. Dyck at Mayo Clinic on the subject of neuropathy, and found his study entitled, “A Controlled Study of Peripheral Neuropathy after Bariatric Surgery.” It validated what I am experiencing, and what I am hearing from other wls patients as well. And, it just makes me very angry that no one is listening.

By the way, the doctor almost completely made everything he said NULL and VOID when he told me that they don’t know enough yet about nutrients and hormones in the weight loss surgery patient’s body at this time. OK so if they don’t know, then that opens a door that there COULD BE conditions that exist… but he is not willing to explore or find out. He merely wants to send me on down the road with no real definitive answers, only incenuations that I am obsessed with this one subject and will continue until I find someone who agrees. Maybe he is right about that… but not because I am a hypochondriac… but because I know and listen to my body… and it is giving me some very strong warning signs that something is not right.

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Jul
13/09

How Did You Spend Your Weekend?

Last Updated on Monday, 13 July 2009 12:41
Written by Melinda
Monday, July 13th, 2009

If I had to account for the way I spent my weekend time, the words “mad” and “disappointed” come ot mind. I’ve not blogged much lately about deep issues, but kind of kept things light, ”on the surface”, and avoided the feelings of my heart. Yet, there are unresolved issues that probably need to be talked about. Life just isn’t what I thought it would be. Sometimes, it hands me disappointment and sadness (even though I try to push past it by being optimistic). I’ve been experiencing both lately. One is just overall depression that I cannot seem to rid myself of… however there was an issue this weekend that gave me reason for being upset.

Friday was supposed to be a very special day. It ended up being the pits. It was exactly two years ago Friday that Tim & I met for the first time. We spent five hours talking at Starbucks over a cup of coffee on July 10, 2007. Tim’s not really one to celebrate dates or events, so a few weeks ago I decided not to bring it up, or expect to receive anything. He and I did our normal Friday night ritual by meeting my best friend for supper. We went to Longhorns. And, the meal was almost over and he leans over to ask, “How did you enjoy your anniversary dinner?” He thought I had forgot. I actually DID forget BY CHOICE (because I didn’t want to get my hopes up only for them to be dashed). Then I was upset with him because he did remember, then threw out the statement in a casual way and had planned nothing special. So Friday night at bedtime, he says “I take it that you did not receive your roses today?” I asked, “What roses?” It seems that he had ordred an arrangement of multi colored roses that morning and they were to be delivered by 2:00. I never received them, and I left work at 3:40. Now for one thing, I would have called him immediately AFTER getting flowers to say “Thank you”… and second, I would have brought them home with me for the weekend… HAD I RECEIVED ROSES, that is. But, Melinda did not receive anything.

I stewed (AND BREWED) all weekend over this. My Friday had been horrible, I felt that he hadn’t done anything special, and then to find that I did have roses and they were probably at work sitting on my desk the entire weekend! Whats more, he did not even call the florist on Saturday and demand that they make it right, or at least find out where my flowers ended up! So the steam just kept building… until Saturday I went to bed at 8:00 pm, and woke up at 10:30 when he came to bed. I didn’t even want to be in the same house with him, I was fuming. So I texted my best friend and asked, “Can I come stay all night?” I drove 20 minutes down the road, it was around 11 pm when I got there. We talked awhile, and then I slept with my precious little Furbaby, Kobe (pomeranian). Dogs provide such unconditional love. Whenever I am sad or down, my little furbaby makes it alright. He’s the one male living being that I can always depend on!

Sunday morning I drove home about 7 am. I was still fuming mad. I don’t know really if it was all about the flowers. Honestly, there is a deep disapointment that has stuck in my heart. And as each special occasion comes and goes, a knife twists and turns, cutting a little more each time. Tim has no intentions of ever getting married again. I’ve tried to resolve myself to this fact, but am unable to do it. He says that divorce is a pain that he never wants to experience again, and that I am too naive to understand. This causes me to have feelings of resentment towards him (because I feel he doesn’t love me “enough to marry me”)… and myself (because I compromise my desires and may never see my dreams come true). I’ve tried numerous occasions to come to terms. I feel very sad, and torn. And there are also things I try to verbalize, but the words never seem to come out in a way he can understand… or maybe he just only sees it his way and he does not want to understand. I’m confused as to what my conclusion is… But for now I’m putting off dealing with it until another day. So next special occasion, it will be “same story, different day.”

Here it is Monday morning… and what to my eyes did appear? An arrangement of roses which had been sitting on my desk the entire weekend! All the more reason to fume… but at least I was able to channel a little bit of frustration with a phone call to the Florist. Upon a little closer examination, looks like these flowers have been “dethorned”… so why does it feel like the thorns have pricked my heart so bad til it bleeds?

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