Last Updated on Friday, 26 March 2010 10:04
Written by Melinda
Wednesday, April 1st, 2009
I called Tim on the way home from work, and as usual I asked my infamous question. “Did I get any packages?” I’ve been expecting two in the mail. “Yes, you got a package.” I begged him to rip it open and tell me what it was! So of course, he opens it… slowly, I might add! The conversation went like this (italics, mine).
“What is it?”
“It’s a body suit.”
“Is it small?”
“Yes, it’s pretty small.”
“Does it look like it will fit me.”
“Well, it’s really stretchy; I guess it should.”
“If it doesn’t fit, I can just see me on the floor, you standing over me with your boot on my chest, while pulling and tugging to get the suit on! I can’t wait to see if it fits…”
So here is my experience with the suit… It has sleeves for those who have batwings. It has the full body, so backfat, say goodbye. It has legs, say “tata” to those old saggy inner thighs… In my eyes, this suit was going to be THE SUIT OF ALL SUITS! It would be the suit that would end my search, the one that would cure all of my wls foes!
I thought I ordered the incorrect size because the owner of the company went over all my measurements on the phone and said I was a small everywhere but the arms. That would need a medium. But I assured her (and fooled myself) that a small would do the trick! After all, my arms had hanging skin, and the tighter the better. NOT!
ATTENTION: Please remove all fluids or food from your mouth. The following content may make you spit or spew!
I got home, and he had the body suit laying out on the couch. I stripped down and immediately put it on… well, let me rephrase that. I immediately grabbed the suit and started wondering HOW to put it on. Carefully I put my legs into the garment, and pulled. It stopped midway on my legs. The leggings are small, keep in mind, to constrict. After all, its a compression garment. I tugged and got it pulled up to my waist. This garment contains no crotch section which is great cause it makes it easier to use the restroom. But it makes it a tad tricky while putting the suit on. I looked down and the inner, upper thigh skin was protruding out over the taunt material. Oh My GARSH! I was so shocked at how much loose skin there actually was. It looked like a huge chicken, with goose bump skin, sticking its backside out of my legs!
Next, I pulled up the top of the body suit in order to put my arms through the sleeves. Got them in, now time for the zipper. OH my. Houston, we have a problem! I cannot get the suit closed. I said, “Tim, can you help me get this zipper up?” He comes over and starts tugging and pulling both sides of the garment together in attempts to make it to where the zipper will move. The arm sleeves were sort of tight, making my arm pinch.
After some tugging, I said, “Wait, I have an idea.” I then laid down on the floor. I figured, if blue jeans don’t fit, we usually lie down on the bed to zip them up… maybe this would help. Tim stood over me, straddling one leg at each of my sides… and I am laying on the floor, legs and arms in a body suit, the rest of the nude colored suit gaping wide open as we then begin attempts to zip it up. He had just pulled the two sides together, and accidentally let go. No lie, I heard this sound: “POP!” It sounded like a rubberband had been released as the 55% Lycra (Spandex) garment came snapping back on each side.
Tim finally gets the sides joined in the center, and says, “Now you zip it up.” I started to zip, and he pinched my skin with his fingers. “Ouch!” Finally, the zipper is up and he backs away so I can get off the floor. Only, wait! I can’t move. I am stiff as a board, I can’t catch my breath, and he has to pull me up off the floor (imagine it, me stiff as a board laying on the floor, AND stiff as he pulls me off the floor). Needless to say, I start exercising. You know the kind… bending, squatting, moving my arms up and down and all around… you know, to loosen up the material. My only regret is that we don’t own a video camera. You know how interesting my adventures are… I am sure you wonder if these things are TRUE. I swear, every single last episode! I think it would make a great clip for You Tube or America’s Funniest Home Videos.
So came the test. I grabbed a pair of size 2 jeans that I wore at my absolute smallest (about 20 pounds ago) out of the Goodwill pile. I tried them on Saturday but the snap would not even touch. I was not only able to get the snap done, I zipped the pants up and walked around in them. They weren’t comfortable in the arse, but hey! Don’t expect the miraculous! Tim & I took a trip down to Barnes & Noble (I wore a more comfortable pair of blue jeans). The lower portion of the suit (the legs) was comfortable. They held me in nicely, and I could see myself wearing this type of garment any time. Sure the arms were too tight, they pinched my skin, and I could barely bend. Remember the feeling you got when you put pantyhose on and a leg was crooked? Kinda pinched in between the inner portions of the top leg? It was that kind of pinch. But, the suit held me in everywhere, very nicely. I was happy to finally get hold of a garment that did what I anticipated. I was NOT disappointed! My plans were to rid myself of self consciousness over this loose skin by wearing this new garment EVERY single day of my life!
We got home, and I said, “Well, time to take it off.” Tim’s reply? “Want me to get the scissors?” OH NO! That suit popped off just as easy as it had popped open when Tim let go of the garment!
By the way, for the record, I never wore it again.
