Blog Awards
Tisk, Task
Tisk, Task
My mother must have read the post from yesterday about The Million $ Question. This morning, she said, “Now you need to remember that surgery changed your life.” So, just want to let you all know today that I’m not unhappy with my RNY. I guess the word is concerned. Concerned about future problems. Yet I also know that it’s not healthy to live a life of fear, so I will continue to read, research, take my vitamins (which I am adamant in doing) and hope my labs remain good (and that we can get those low numbers up). ‘Nuff said! Next subject.
I am a little more joyful today than this time last week. And, happy. My scales have gone down 3 lbs. Count them, ONE, TWO, THREE! Yesterday it appeared that my stomach didn’t feel as bloated or bulgy. I had a THIN DAY. This morning I looked in the mirror sideways like every morning, and oh my! ANOTHER THIN DAY! I felt skinny. I weighed, and I was down another pound. This makes me so incredibly elated. For feeling 3 months preggo for over a year… (thanks, Mirena) I now am beginning to lose some weight AND feel thin again.
I was to the point where I felt very fat. I was bloated, my stomach distended, people probably thought “Yeah, there she goes… gaining weight! I knew it would happen!” Sorry folks. Melinda hasn’t been eating hot fudge cakes and big macs. It’s just those daggone 5-7 lbs that my gyn assured me would be present as long as the Mirena was in. I didn’t have it removed because of the weight gain, however. Let that be a stated fact. I had forced/resigned myself to being fluffy in my tummy IF IT WAS GOING TO WORK on other issues. It did not. OK. Now that I clarified… next subject.
Last night I bought myself some new skinny jeans and brown boots. I can’t wait to wear them. My friend BerriGirl (Heather) told me to stop wearing baggy clothes. I had just gotten so distraught, and physically felt the same because of depression that I did at 251 lbs that I associated it with fat. I took her advice, and dragged out my mini skirts, boots and clingy sweaters. Its working – - I’m feeling better about myself. Thanks, Heather!
I am planning on a wonderful weekend (hope you have one, too wherever you are)! The sun is shining bright here in Tennessee today, and it makes me want to go out and DO something! Plus, I want to wear my new outfit.
THE Million $ Question
THE Million $ Question
“Do you regret having gastric bypass surgery?”
This question was presented in a similar fashion recently on another forum. Many of the folks (except 2) were less than 3 yrs post-op. And of those folks, under one year post-op. They are in the “everything is great! I feel great! Weight loss is great! Wow, this is great!” mode. (Gawsh I wish I had those days back). The weight is melting from their still obese bodies and they feel it is the best thing they have ever done. I don’t blame them! I was that way too.
But, we’re not talking about other people’s responses. You came here to read about ME, Recovering Fatty. And, here is MY answer. Before you read further, however, I must tell you that there is no “right” or “wrong” answer. I’m not advocating a right or wrong way… I’m just going to lay out all the thoughts inside my head on the subject.
First, my answer is: Yes. No. Yes. No. No, yes yes no!!!! ACK~! You’re confusing me!! It’s too late in the day to make my head hurt!
In other words, the answer depends… it varies… on WHAT? On how I feel and what kind of day I am having!
Perhaps the entire post should have been prefaced with this statement: “I am a person who is easily swayed by feelings/emotions. I change my mind and opinions as often as the weather in Missouri changes!” There are days I feel great and have lots going on. I may be meeting with other wls folks, and feel a tremendous surge of support and be on top of the world! And then there are days when my neuropathy rears its ugly head and I am reminded of how I was treated at the neurologist’s office. I wonder “What have I done to myself long term by having wls?” And, a few weeks ago, I had a real sober awakening that REALLY caused me to do some thinking.
I met a new online friend. Come to find out, she lives near me. We met at Starbucks (Hi, Heather if you’re reading this!). She’s much farther out from surgery than me (6 yrs). As we drank our coffee, she shared her health issues that were a DIRECT result of having RNY gastric bypass. She, too has been to many doctors who either (a) don’t know how to help or (b) won’t help her because they don’t want to “own” the fact that wls had anything to do with it. She feels that she might be viewed as “negative”. To someone who just showed up on her blog, and didn’t read enough posts, oh sure maybe they could come up with that conclusion. But to spend five minutes with her, HECK NO! She is one of the sweetest level headed folks I’ve met in a long time. And, she wants to get her information out there to help others who ARE already experiencing or may experience vitamin deficiencies.
My answer today is that yes, I am glad for wls. It helped change my life. Today, however, I feel pretty good except for the tingling in my right foot. I also feel relieved after having met with Dr. S.Y. Ghodsian ( Dr. Bariatric) at the Vegas M&G, who went over my lab work and wrote down exactly the labs I need to ask my physician to order. I shared my history, especially with the foot drop/neuropathy and neurologist who basically thought I was crazy. He said that it was a good thing I had met with a neurologist who ruled out MS and other neurological disorders. I now have a good idea of how to proceed at this point with my vitamin troubles.
But had you asked me a few weeks ago, after having met Heather and hearing of her deficiencies, and then fearing my own outcome… I must admit that I was questioning this wls thing. I sat across the table from Heather and I asked, “Are you my future?” We both come to the conclusion, we hope not.
But for today… Yes. And, as Tim prefers to remind me: I had health issues prior to my wls. It seems I’ve just traded one set of health problems for another set.
Saturday – Vegas WLS M&G
Saturday – Vegas WLS M&G
When Tim & I arrived at the hotel on Friday, we had several boxes from vendors waiting for us. My favorite thing in the entire world is to receive packages, as it feels like Christmas! I told Tammy (T2Nashville) that if she wanted to see Christmas time in the middle of February, to come on over! Packages continued to arrive until that late afternoon. This meant that there would be lots of stuff to take to the Meet & Greet room.
As we stood at the check in desk, I turned to find some familiar faces over by the elevator. It was Lynnda, Danielle and Toni from BTV. It was so strange hearing the same voices that I am only used to on the internet, but seeing them in person right before my very eyes! Of course, being from the south, we hug all of our folks. So I gave ‘em some love (Suthern’ style) and chatted for awhile. Sigh. Those ladies are just remarkable. Remarkable. The way you imagine them by spending time reading their posts and watching the episodes… that is the way they really are! Down to earth, friendly, and not afraid to reach out to people. Here’s a pic of the entire group from BTV who got together Friday night.
Saturday morning – Tim & I started really early by eating breakfast (and for the life of me, I cannot remember where or what it was!). We made it back to the room in time for Tammy to arrive. All three of us headed on down to the Meet & Greet area so that we could assess the situation before bringing packages. Then, Tim got the cart from the front desk, loaded it and brought it all to us. What in the world would I do without him?
We all unpacked boxes, and I scurried around trying to figure out the best method to stack the supplies. We lined it neatly down the table as quickly as possible and Tim started clicking away on the camera trigger. We originally had nine vendors to commit but two were not able to ship the products so we’ll be more timely in our asking next time! One vendor’s goods didn’t have a correct address and it was sent back. I was quite busy all week trying to make sure everything got there, and make it to the right location. You could say I was a little stressed! But, I am so grateful and thankful to the wonderful vendors who provided freebies. They are:
Blender Bottle, Building Block Vitamins, Celebrate Vitamins, Kay’s Naturals, Labrada Nutrition, and Slimpressions. A special shout out goes to the folks at Asher’s Sugar Free Chocolates who wanted to take part but due to a snow storm, were unable to ship the products out to us in time for the meeting. Also, Gosh That’s Good donated some terrific samples which somehow made it to the wrong address. This made me sad because, THEY ARE FABULOUS! Slimpressions donated a Skinny Mini shapewear garment, along with providing a promo code (which is still active if you want to order) so attendees could receive a discount.
Many thought that I worked for one of the companies that were represented. I had to introduce myself and they asked if I was a patient, or worked for a vendor. NO! I’m a patient… I just wanted to share some of my favorite products with others who might not know about them. I hope to work on some signage for the next M&G.
While handing out goodies, I met some great folks. I can’t even begin to remember all their names, but it was so encouraging to see people who were eager and excited about their weight loss journeys. My journey this year has been a little boring, “same ole, same ole”, and I needed to receive a breath of fresh air. I needed rejuvenation, and watching these wonderful people so excited and inspiring just gave me a second wind of fervor. I want to take a moment to say, “Thank you” to all who shared their stories and time.
I stayed at the table til probably noon, and then cut out because of a headache. It was also TIME FOR MELINDA TO EAT! I normally am very regimented in my eating, and every two to three hours, its either meal time or snack time. Somewhere in between breakfast and lunch, Dave over at Gastric Bypass Barbie’s table made me the most heavenly shake. I have heard of making shakes with sugar free jello pudding, but must readily admit that I have not done it. He made pistachio, and it was to die for! I slurped it down so fast! If it weren’t for Dave, I probably would have had a low blood sugar episode. Thanks, Dave!
Speaking of Gastric Bypass Barbie, I have known Cari for several years now. We met on the Bariatric Eating board. And, the past year she has been a part of BTV and RF boards as well. I’ve spoken to her on the phone, spent lots of time communicating via email, and it was finally so nice to put my arms around her and give her the Suthern “howdy doo”. Her husband, Juan, is such a nice man. He and Tim hit it off immediately and spent quite a bit of time chatting it up. Cari is a go-getter, alright! She worked hard at her table, put lots of planning and thought into it, and her banners were absolutely amazing (gotta love those hot pink shoes)! But, then again… would you have expected anything less from Barbie? NOT me!! She sure lives up to her name.
Our RF (Recovering Fatty forum) was represented. Here is a picture of Cari (Gastric Bypass Barbie), Tammy (T2Nashville, and myself).
That’s all I can think of right now. I’ve written a book. But, just one more shout out to all the folks I met from the BTV boards. Linda Eaves, Rob, Ian and his family, Patti, Lynnda & her husband, Amy & her friend, Danielle, Toni & Mickey, Cari, of course Tammy! I can’t forget her. I know I’m missing someone but ya’ll are just the kindest folks. Thanks for being part of my support system. You should check out their blogs, too!
My Journey to Vegas
My Journey to Vegas
I need to tell the story in chronological order to get the real effect of what happened in my getting TO Vegas. Originally, I thought that I would not be visited by Mother Nature as I calculated having one more patch left. I was WRONG. Keep in mind that this is just the second menstrual period since having Mirena IUD removed, and I was told that the “Mirena crash” could happen for a few months. I didn’t think I had anything to worry about since last month it hit pretty hard.
Along about Tuesday, I started feeling a little bit stressed. And, I developed a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I also was suffering from depression but knew that I had an appointment with my therapist on Weds afternoon. Then, Weds. came and I was working on items for the Meet & Greet (freebies). A situation occurred with the hotel that brought lots of frustration, and I started to feel the anger at the pit of my stomach. Suddenly, before I knew it, it had grown and reached my vocal cords. In other words, that anger rose up inside like the building of a volcano, until finally it just erupted! Afterward, I felt so ashamed of my actions because that just isn’t the way I used to be (pre wls, that is). By the time my afternoon appointment with the therapist came, I had calmed down some. Thankfully it was still “raw” enough that I could tell him about how I was feeling. But, as I sat outside his waiting room, another patient and two family members came out and were talking in the hall. It just about set me off. I was angry. I wanted to yell “WOULD YOU SHUT UP?” I sat moving my leg up and down, just waiting impatiently to be seen. I even talked to the therapist about this, and how I had felt like that last month near my period.
Thursday came, and I tried my best to steer clear of all anxiety. That ball of nerves was still present, and I was nervous and jumpy at every little noise. And, exhaustion set in along with OCD tendencies that drove me… by that, I’m talking about what happened Thursday evening. Tim & I had gone out to supper, and I was so upset that I didn’t have clothes for the event. I was crying because I didn’t know what to pack, felt like I needed a new outfit, and made him take me to two different stores to find outfits. I left with nothing in my hands, which made me all the more frustrated. WHAT WAS I GOING TO WEAR? Tim steered me along until finally, I had my stuff together. I am so thankful that HE packed the luggage up. I don’t know how he did it, but our two suitcases had so much stuff in them… including my large magnification lighted mirror that I love so much. So we went on to bed, and around 3 am I woke up and had a revelation: I had not put my birth control patch on after my morning shower. I ran into the kitchen to put it on, (yes, at 3 am so I wouldn’t start my period while we were in Vegas) and guess what? The box: EMPTY. I had calculated incorrectly. S&$#! That meant I was going to be menstrual. And, it also explained the reason I had been so upset all week long!!
Friday morning, I was in a daze of confusion. I followed him around… where he went, I followed. I didn’t want him away from my side for one minute. The people at the airport were all loud, busy, making me all the more anxious. I had only slept three hours per night since Tuesday, so I was dead dog tired. My eyes were hanging so heavy that they hurt, yet I couldn’t rest. Going through Security, I yelled at Tim to please tell me what to do because I didn’t know. Did I need to take my coat off? My shoes? My jewelry? Please tell me because, I’m standing here looking like an idiot. I was lost. He had to step through the metal detector three times cause he forgot to take his keys out of his pocket, then had to take his belt off. I was getting agitated and fearful that if they made me go on by myself ahead of the line, I would get separated from him.
Let’s talk on the flight. Tammy (T2Nashville) flew beside me. We talked much of the way. She & I talked about the Lord, and it didn’t take much to get me to squalling and crying. It’s hard to tell PMS emotion from conviction cause they both lead you to tears! Once we got in to our hotel room, I wanted to rest but we met a group from BTV for lunch. It required a lot of walking to the buffet, and I am not kidding you… by the time we arrived, the confusion was so bad that I could hardly put two sentences together. The music overhead was loud, plates clanging, people talking… it just all seemed to blur together so that I simply nodded my head a lot to what everyone said, and can’t recall much of the conversations from that day. I do remember on our way back, I was feeling horribly tired, then the next minute I was so mad. I held Tim’s hand cause I needed him there, then let go cause I didn’t want to be touched. This continued all the way home. Poor guy.
Friday night, we met BTV in the suite for our get together. I was still not feeling to well, but had food in my stomach and at least was functionable. I enjoyed everyone’s company but… things were still not quite right. Big Mickey asked me into the confessional room (think “Big Brother”) but I couldn’t put two thoughts together. I finally just asked him to turn it off, and not use any of my tapings because I just wasn’t in the mental state to do anything worthwhile. We talked awhile, and I also chatted with Toni and Lynnda about this.
The first day was ruined because of hormones. I felt so terrible, and also a bit embarrassed. Only Tim has seen me at my worst, when these periods of PMS/PMDD hit. And I am just hoping that the worst of this “Mirena crash” is over and it will not be the same next month. I did not ever want anyone to see the worst part of Melinda, but thankfully these precious people are friends and they were very supportive.
Now… Saturday rolled around. And, I started my period. I was laughing, and talking, and having fun. I was MYSELF again! HALLELUJAH! I was able to enjoy the rest of the trip. More to come later on the actual event itself (Saturday).
