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Choose.
Choose.
Choices, choices! Sometimes they seem so small. Yet, have a larger impact when you look at the BIG PICTURE. At times, we step out on a limb and make a choice that we know could have repercussions just because we are at a point of desperation and are willing to try anything! Such is the case with me and Zoloft. And Cymbalta. And Wellbutrin. And Lexapro. Need I say more?
I must admit. Zoloft seemed to really help me. Sure I feel sleepy during the day sometimes. But at night, I sleep much more sound and uninterrupted. The week before my period, I don’t seem to be a bear (or a biotch). I feel sane. And happier. And more able to think clearly. And much nicer to be around (even for me to be around myself!).
But the weight gain. It is really plaguing my mind. At the same time… I keep thinking “I’ll do something about it tomorrow.” Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. In the past, I’d put on five pounds, do what I had to do in order to get it off. But these days, I am happy! I am living life! I am enjoying myself… who wants to stop for a diet? NOT ME. So I keep putting off the “do something right now” actions.
I tried to go off Zoloft the past few days. Today. I am crazy feeling again. Irritable. Moody. Angry. Feeling like a whirlwind. Can’t concentrate. Nothing seems to be going easy or right. So I bit the bullet… and took the Zoloft. It brought me to a conclusion. I am destined to be one of two things, and it is up to me to decide. I can be either:
a. Crazy – stop taking the medications that help me feel sane, but I’d keep the weight off!
b. Fat – continue the medications which make it difficult for me to lose weight, actually promotes weight gain! Yet… those emotional feelings of despair would be gone.
Which do I chose? I am going to speak with my doctor… who really believes that no medications cause weight gain. He simply says its a matter of diet. (Some truth. Then again… it’s not entirely fair to lay it all back on the patient if they fail).
The choice is MINE… all mine. Today’s weight: 140.4 (this is the first time since wls that I have gone up above 140). I want to cry.
Ikc.
Ikc.
Let me start by saying… my tastes changed awhile back. I have tried numerous occasions to make my favorite protein shakes at work over the past month. Most of them ended down the drain. What?! Good protein, down the drain? Yes. That’s cause I tried them but they just tasted so horrible to me. They used to be my absolute favorite concoctions. Now, blech. Nasty.
You may say “Yes, but you’re at work. You don’t have all the niceties at work such as a blender or refrigerator.” Wrong. And, wrong again. Oh, I have a Mr. Coffee espresso machine, fancy cheaper version of a Magic Bullet, a waist high small fridge (an upgrade from the dorm fridges), and a cabinet full of proteins, cocoa powders, peanut butter AND PB2…. there’s not much I don’t have… Here’s a picture of my protein basket which is complete with both flavors of Click, a package of Starbucks espresso, and 3 black bags of All the Whey Ooops! My bad… I meant to say Bariatric Eating’s protein (flavors Peanut Butter Cookie, Cinnamon Cappuccino, and Pom Raz Sangria) but they look so similiar in their packaging. Oh my! Would you look at that? I gave credit to not just ONE website, but TWO! I’m not going to be called a PROTEIN PLAGIARIST!
At any rate… I finally made a concoction that I was happy with. There isn’t much that a tiny packet of SF Moo Magic Chocolate Malt Milk Mix Sticks can’t fix! (Or, if you’re near a Kroger, pick you up a box of Sugar Free In An Instant Chocolate Malt Milk Mix Sticks… they are THE SAME thing).
I’m Not That Strong – Yet
I’m Not That Strong – Yet
Several months ago, I made a comment to this effect: “I would rather gain a little weight and be happy, than be rail thin and not able to enjoy life.” PMDD and depression continued to wear me down until I didn’t want to live like that anymore. I asked my doctor for an anti-depressant (in addition to the one I was already taking).
Eventually, I was prescribed Zoloft (which helps a low seratonin level). The doctor originally gave me 50 mg tablets. I was to take 100 mg a day, and due to the malabsorption issues and fear that I would not absorb properly, I asked the pharmacist if it would be acceptable to take 50 mg in the morning, 50 mg in the afternoon. My doctor also agreed that this would be ok.
I did try taking the 100 mg in the morning, and maybe it was just me? But, I noticed an urge to eat. REALLY EAT, all day long. That only lasted about 3 days! I resorted back to 50 mg twice daily.
About three weeks ago, I had a follow up medicine check. The doctor said really, there was not a benefit of halving the doses and taking them twice daily. Why don’t I go ahead and start taking just one dose of 100 mg? He seemed pretty confident, so… I figured why not? One 100 mg pill is better than two 50 mg pills anyway! It sounded like a good plan to me – in theory!
Suddenly, it seemed as if overnight (NO LIE), my stomach was bloated and I had gained 8.5 lbs which I blogged about the other day. As a former fatty, I did what I’ve always done: TAKE THE BLAME, figured it was just my overeating which has begun as of late.
Then, the more I gave it thought (and continued to feel such unhappiness and discontent due to the gain), I backtracked the past few weeks worth of events. I have TRIED unsuccessfully to get rid of this urge and habit of snacking all the day long. I cannot get it under control no matter how hard I try!
I finally said to Tim: “We need to discuss something. My medicine – I think I need to stop taking it. I think it is causing these food cravings/obsession. Originally, I thought I could handle any weight gain as long as I felt better.” He agreed that I CANNOT HANDLE THE WEIGHT GAIN! Zoloft may UNdepress me…. but weight gain will REdepress me!
When I shared this with my WLS email support group, another lady also said that the EXACT same struggle has been happening to her by the increase to 100 mg of Zoloft in a one day dose. HALLELUJAH! I have said it before, and continue to hold fast to the belief… we as wls folks MUST be very aware of our health situations, and pay close attention to the medications we are given. If not, then it is possible that weight regain occurs. Sometimes, adjustments can be made.
During a 17 minute tanning bed visit, I devised a plan. The medication has really helped me, and it would not be beneficial to discontinue use. Conclusion #1: I could revert back to 50 mg twice daily as it did not cause poor eating tendencies. #2 – I can attempt just one 50 mg dose per day. Yesterday, I accidentally left my meds at home. Therefore, didn’t have any medicine until late in the afternoon when returning home. Guess what? I HAD 100% CONTROL OVER MY EATING. No desire to snack. No pre-occupation with food. It convinced me that the medication IS the culprit!
My assessment of the situation is: I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH to face regain. At least, not yet. Maybe, not ever.
8.5 on the Richter Scale
8.5 on the Richter Scale
I’ve been avoiding my scales the past few weeks. Seems that I have been snacking here and there, on stuff that isn’t so great for me. Now, it’s not that everything is carby and sugar filled… just that often times they are not planned into my daily food plan. It has caused my pants to feel tight, AND I have gained in my tummy area.
This morning, I stepped on the scale. 8.5 lbs up since I started on Zoloft. I will not blame the Zoloft… BUT, my poor eating choices. However, I do think that my appetite has changed since going on Zoloft. What to do? Stop taking it? Ask the doctor for something else?
I made a decision before taking the medication: I would rather be a few pounds heavier and happy (should in fact an anti depressant cause some weight gain) than to be rail thin and not able to enjoy my life. Now that I’m a few pounds heavier, I am having some difficulty truly accepting that previous statement of being happy. I am not going to stop taking the medicine because it has given me many benefits. So, the next thing I must do is to make adjustments in my eating and my exercise routine.
It’s time to dust off the treadmill that up til last week, had a huge box sitting on top which contained our new bathroom vanity. I like what my friend said recently, that in light of regain… it’s best to focus on the hundred plus pounds I’ve lost than the few that I’ve gained back… and that normal women all deal with those 10-20 extra pounds.
