Thursday Mar 11

Posts Tagged ‘anti-depressants’

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Mar
02/10
I Want To Feel Wonderful Again!
Last Updated on Tuesday, 2 March 2010 07:23
Written by Melinda
Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

Most of you already know (if you’ve read the blog) that I had lots of depression up until December.  Then the Mirena came out, depression improved until it was time for my monthly cycle.  THEN it was not quite so pleasant.  I saw a doctor about it yesterday and he prescribed another medication to take along side the Wellbutrin.  I’m glad that I can still take the Wellbutrin because I just fought the denial from my insurance company (and won).  Evidently, they don’t want to pay for brand name drugs if generics are available.  Anyway…

He said that I was experiencing some anxiety, it sounded like some attacks to him.  I get to where crowds make me very nervous, I cannot hardly catch my breath and my heart races.  I feel very agitated and afraid.  I guess I didn’t realize this to be the case until Tim & I were in Vegas walking around on the streets and all the people everywhere made me nervous.  I wanted to retreat to my hotel room, or at least to a much quieter and lonely place.  This was the first hint that perhaps I was having anxiety.  But, now that I look back, I see its been evident for some time.

Last Friday night, even a small episode (something really petty) “set me off”.  I had purchased a new outfit, and needed a black tank top.  It was somewhere in the house, but I couldn’t locate it.  I asked Tim if he had washed it when we returned from Vegas (I swore I had taken it with me, but really later remembered, I had not).  I grew extremely agitated, and that feeling of anxiety started in the pit of my stomach.  It started to rise as I hung up clothes in the laundry room with hopes that I’d soon get to the bottom of the clothes pile and find my black tank.  I couldn’t catch my breath, agitation grew until I exploded with profanities.  *Well…  I am not going to lie about it!*  Tim finally located it underneath a pair of his blue jeans on the dresser in the bedroom.  But, the anxiety was still present for another few hours.  I tried to tell him that it wasn’t specifically the fact that I couldn’t locate the tank.  It was just anxiety as a whole in general, and that it doesn’t take much to just set it off.

Hopefully this medication will help my anxiety, depression, and yes even some OCD tendencies!  I took the first dose last night, and I didn’t sleep very well.  This morning I had nausea really bad but I am hoping that I can adjust.  At this time, I don’t want to tell what kind it is because I have positive thoughts that it will work.  I don’t want to receive emails of how horrible this medication is…  I’d rather try it, pay close attention to my body and how I respond, and then go from there…  But I will definitely keep you apprised of my progress (or possibly digression).

A noteworthy statement from the doctor…  he was in agreement that the Mirena was not a good option for me, and is a cause of these issues.

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Feb
12/10
Magic Pill
Last Updated on Friday, 12 February 2010 03:18
Written by Melinda
Friday, February 12th, 2010

I’ve been just a little bit distracted lately.  Several weeks ago I had an appointment with the gynecologist for another ultrasound.  The cyst on my right ovary is almost gone. Great news! While there, I spoke with them about my depression and how I needed some other type of medication.  He was very hesitant, given the nature and history with my gastric bypass surgery, to prescribe anything that may cause weight gain.  So, we came up with a conclusion:  How about trying BRAND NAME WELLBUTRIN instead of generics?  I’ve tried 3 different brands of generics and they don’t seem to be cutting it.

I dropped my little prescription off at the pharmacy, and no sooner had I made it back to my desk (there is a pharmacy where I work, and I had walked across campus), I had a message to call them.  The pharmacist said that there is a “Dispense as written” penalty on my policy, and MY co-pay for a 90 day supply for brand name Wellbutrin would be almost $700.  I won’t go into the many things which occurred as a result…  but to make a long story short, the gyn wrote a letter of medical necessity at the insurance company’s prodding but they said they still would not pay more towards the brand name.

All I can say to you is that I never realized how much anger and frustration was pent up inside me, all 5′4 worth.  As I spoke to the insurance company one day, I could feel the anger rising up from my gut, until it built like an erupting volcano and I spewed out insults and shouts at the lady on the other end.  I must admit, I feel horrible about it now.  And, while I didn’t insult her on a personal level, I should not have spoken so harshly and ugly with her.  I couldn’t help it.  I was so angry inside because of the state this country is in when it comes to health care.  And, I THOUGHT I had a great insurance policy.  Now I see that it too is regulated very tightly and it makes me mad.

I think this was actually the icing on the cake.  I was already upset because my insurance had denied my Ortho Evra birth control patch that I needed to help with hormone problems.  I work for Catholics and they don’t believe in birth control/contraceptives.  So, they refuse to pay for it under our health policy.  Each and every year, I am forced to have my gyn write a letter of medical necessity.  I’ve now paid two months out of my pocket because they were not processing my information.

A second factor that upset me to no end was that they paid for my Mirena IUD insertion in May 2008, but denied its removal at the end of December.  I came unglued on the phone with the representative over this one.  I’m still waiting and checking their website daily to make sure they correctly processed the claim.  I really don’t know how your average person does it…  thank heavens I have some knowledge of billing, insurance collections, hospital and medical health claim processing…  or else I would be left paying it all out of pocket and not knowing how to fight it.

So, angry and upset over these three issues with insurance, I’ve come to a conclusion.  Even if I did take the brand name Wellbutrin, I’d end up depressed due to being BROKE after paying $700 out of my pocket.  Or, if I took their suggestion and took Lexapro AGAIN, my depression MAY go away, only to return after gaining back weight from the food obsession that it causes me!

In the meantime, I’ll just keep taking my little generic pill and hope that it gets better.  I do see my therapist Weds. in hopes of receiving some sort of direction on “Where to from here?”  Don’t you wish there really was a such thing of a magic pill, and all our troubles could just vanish?

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Jun
11/08
PCOS, WLS, PMDD, Any other abbreviations?
Last Updated on Tuesday, 5 January 2010 08:32
Written by Melinda
Wednesday, June 11th, 2008

I’ve been blogging away lately. About nothing if you notice. Not about deep hearted stuff. Truth is, I’m depressed. Blame it on hormones. Lord knows it’s that time of month, and my first period since getting the Mirena. But these past few weeks I just have not been by myself. Since Thursday, I have not wanted to see anyone. I forced myself to visit a friend in the hospital who had surgery. I love her dearly, but there is something inside that just wants to be alone. Another friend had surgery awhile back and I was supposed to go up to Kentucky to visit over the weekend. I could not find it in myself to go. I used to get like this before wls. I did not want to talk on the phone, write about my emotions as they are too hard to explain, and spend a lot of time alone which I don’t normally do.

One way I spend time by myself is to go shopping. I visited area Goodwill stores on Saturday and Sunday. I was racing through those racks and a thought crossed my mind. “Melinda, what are you doing? I think you have a serious problem.” I was entirely consumed and focused on the clothes that I was looking at, while another lady nearby just sort of moved a few dresses around on the rack. I had gone through 3 sections to her 1! I’ve been shopping a lot lately. It helps me feel better. It’s the only time I feel happy. Otherwise, I’m not in the general feeling of “happy” lately.

Poor Tim. I’ve slept in the spare room two nights now. I’m not upset with him. I am in love with him very much. Yet, still I just don’t want to be with people right now. At present, he’s in the living room watching tv while I’m in bed in the spare room on the laptop where I will probably sleep again. My head hurts and the joy that I found on my online support groups are not a joy to me right now. I know in my heart that this is just hormones, but honestly and truly, I grow so weary and tired of going through these emotions! I have thought seriously about getting back on anti-depressants, but part of me says that I have come so far. I don’t want to become dependent on medicine just because I am suffering from some PMS symptoms.

The reason I write these things is because I did suffer tremendously from PMDD (SEVERE PMS) prior to wls. While I cannot 100% empathize with people with bipolar or other disorders, I feel that I have experienced just a small touch of what they must go through. It used to be so bad, I would flee from my house late at night because I felt so stir crazy and boxed in. Normally I would drive 20 minutes to my mother’s house, go straight to my old bedroom and go right to bed. Once she came and laid down on the bed with me, hugging me close and it made me feel safe. Otherwise, I didn’t feel safe. I felt sad and lonely and cried for hours. This occurred one day a month, but the days prior to it (approx 9 days) were just leading up, feeling sad, more sadness, and then depressed.

Now while I may wake up in the morning and feel like my normal cheerful self, tonight I do not feel that way. I am just “waiting” for it to pass and hope that tomorrow will be a better day. That’s how I’ve been living for the past week… waiting for it to pass.

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Apr
28/08
Hormones Gone Wild
Last Updated on Tuesday, 5 January 2010 08:39
Written by Melinda
Monday, April 28th, 2008

Since my ninth grade year, I’ve had a series of hormone problems stemming from PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) and Insulin Resistance/Metabolic Syndrome. At that time, doctors were not as up to date in their treatments as they are now. But one thing I was placed on was birth control. After all, the main thing was to get my cycles regular. I’ve had some gynecologists say that it did not matter whether or not I had a monthly period. Now to me, this is a big deal. I hate having them, but come on! That’s the way our bodies were designed by the Creator.

For many years, I did not pursue treatment. I felt like a guinea pig in my early twenties because the doctors tried so many different approaches. I just got sick of the medications (I had a medicine cabinet full!) and said “Forget it all.” I did not pursue treatment again until the past ten years. As a matter of fact, my mother and I diagnosed myself with “Insulin Resistance” after perusing the internet for signs/symptoms. The medical doctor I was seeing at the time did not want to diagnose me with that until running a couple thousand dollars worth of labs. I kept asking him “Can you do the test to show whether I have Insulin Resistance?” As a last resort, and him being stumped, he ordered the test. Guess what? I was right.

Several years back, I had two roommates, both guys. I decided to take an even further step in finally having my period. I didn’t have one for a few years at that point. I knew that as soon as I started any treatment at all, Lord everybody should watch out! I knew that it was about to unleash the most terrible little demon inside of me… moodiness, emotional outburst, frustration, PMS or heck on wheels, whichever you choose to call it. I advised my roommates, thank Goodness they were best friends, “Now when I start taking these little pills (Provera), everything is going to change!” Josh, one roommate said later that I had never spoken the truth so much in my entire life than I had on that day! Needless to say, I suffered greatly with PMDD (the worst PMS you could experience!). Instead of one week a month, it was reverse….. THREE weeks a month! It made me feel crazy!

I lay this groundwork to say that I’m having my periods every two weeks now. I called the gyn’s office and have a morning appt today. Not sure as to what he will suggest, but where I used to never have a period, now I can’t seem to get rid of them! And y’all wonder why I can be so irritable, frustrated, anxious! LOL… Give a girl a break!

Now there are certain birth control forms that are best for gastric patients. My doctor suggested Ortho Evra patch but it is now causing me some problems. He also suggests Mirena, which is a device inserted into the body. My health insurance does not want to cover. I work for a Catholic Charities facility and they view this for birth control purposes only. This means that I must write a letter of appeal, presenting medical records, doctor letters, etc. to prove that this is the best resort for me. The gastric bypass further complicates things because of the malabsorption problem, not to mention the fact that I have taken many birth control pills and they either make me sick or cause PMDD emotional upsets. It appears right now that it was easier to get my gastric bypass and tummy tuck covered than it will be getting this IUD covered! And it has nothing to do with birth control at all. Instead it has to do with my hormones and problems related to it. <sigh>

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