Posts Tagged ‘anxiety’

I need to tell the story in chronological order to get the real effect of what happened in my getting TO Vegas.  Originally, I thought that I would not be visited by Mother Nature as I calculated having one more patch left.  I was WRONG.  Keep in mind that this is just the second menstrual period since having Mirena IUD removed, and I was told that the “Mirena crash” could happen for a few months.  I didn’t think I had anything to worry about since last month it hit pretty hard.

Along about Tuesday, I started feeling a little bit stressed.  And, I developed a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I also was suffering from depression but knew that I had an appointment with my therapist on Weds afternoon.  Then, Weds. came and I was working on items for the Meet & Greet (freebies).  A situation occurred with the hotel that brought lots of frustration, and I started to feel the anger at the pit of my stomach.  Suddenly, before I knew it, it had grown and reached my vocal cords.  In other words, that anger rose up inside like the building of a volcano, until finally it just erupted!  Afterward, I felt so ashamed of my actions because that just isn’t the way I used to be (pre wls, that is).   By the time my afternoon appointment with the therapist came, I had calmed down some.  Thankfully it was still “raw” enough that I could tell him about how I was feeling. But, as I sat outside his waiting room, another patient and two family members came out and were talking in the hall.  It just about set me off.  I was angry.  I wanted to yell “WOULD YOU SHUT UP?”  I sat moving my leg up and down, just waiting impatiently to be seen.  I even talked to the therapist about this, and how I had felt like that last month near my period.

Thursday came, and I tried my best to steer clear of all anxiety.  That ball of nerves was still present, and I was nervous and jumpy at every little noise.  And, exhaustion set in along with OCD tendencies that drove me…  by that, I’m talking about what happened Thursday evening.  Tim & I had gone out to supper, and I was so upset that I didn’t have clothes for the event.  I was crying because I didn’t know what to pack, felt like I needed a new outfit, and made him take me to two different stores to find outfits.  I left with nothing in my hands, which made me all the more frustrated.  WHAT WAS I GOING TO WEAR?  Tim steered me along until finally, I had my stuff together.  I am so thankful that HE packed the luggage up.  I don’t know how he did it, but our two suitcases had so much stuff in them… including my large magnification lighted mirror that I love so much.  So we went on to bed, and around 3 am I woke up and had a revelation:  I had not put my birth control patch on after my morning shower.  I ran into the kitchen to put it on, (yes, at 3 am so I wouldn’t start my period while we were in Vegas) and guess what?  The box:  EMPTY.  I had calculated incorrectly.  S&$#!  That meant I was going to be menstrual.  And, it also explained the reason I had been so upset all week long!!

Friday morning, I was in a daze of confusion.  I followed him around…  where he went, I followed.  I didn’t want him away from my side for one minute.  The people at the airport were all loud, busy, making me all the more anxious.  I had only slept three hours per night since Tuesday, so I was dead dog tired.  My eyes were hanging so heavy that they hurt, yet I couldn’t rest.  Going through Security, I yelled at Tim to please tell me what to do because I didn’t know.  Did I need to take my coat off?  My shoes?  My jewelry?  Please tell me because, I’m standing here looking like an idiot.  I was lost.  He had to step through the metal detector three times cause he forgot to take his keys out of his pocket, then had to take his belt off.  I was getting agitated and fearful that if they made me go on by myself ahead of the line, I would get separated from him.

Let’s talk on the flight.  Tammy (T2Nashville) flew beside me.  We talked much of the way.  She & I talked about the Lord, and it didn’t take much to get me to squalling and crying.  It’s hard to tell PMS emotion from conviction cause they both lead you to tears!  Once we got in to our hotel room, I wanted to rest but we met a group from BTV for lunch.  It required a lot of walking to the buffet, and I am not kidding you…  by the time we arrived, the confusion was so bad that I could hardly put two sentences together.  The music overhead was loud, plates clanging, people talking…  it just all seemed to blur together so that I simply nodded my head a lot to what everyone said, and can’t recall much of the conversations from that day.  I do remember on our way back, I was feeling horribly tired, then the next minute I was so mad.  I held Tim’s hand cause I needed him there, then let go cause I didn’t want to be touched.  This continued all the way home.  Poor guy.

Friday night, we met BTV in the suite for our get together.  I was still not feeling to well, but had food in my stomach and at least was functionable.  I enjoyed everyone’s company but…  things were still not quite right.  Big Mickey asked me into the confessional room (think “Big Brother”) but I couldn’t put two thoughts together.  I finally just asked him to turn it off, and not use any of my tapings because I just wasn’t in the mental state to do anything worthwhile.  We talked awhile, and I also chatted with Toni and Lynnda about this.

The first day was ruined because of hormones.  I felt so terrible, and also a bit embarrassed.  Only Tim has seen me at my worst, when these periods of PMS/PMDD hit.  And I am just hoping that the worst of this “Mirena crash” is over and it will not be the same next month.  I did not ever want anyone to see the worst part of Melinda, but thankfully these precious people are friends and they were very supportive.

Now…  Saturday rolled around.  And, I started my period.  I was laughing, and talking, and having fun.  I was MYSELF again!  HALLELUJAH!  I was able to enjoy the rest of the trip.  More to come later on the actual event itself (Saturday).