Posts Tagged ‘anxiety’

Of course the gyn is going to change my meds for depression.  I got on the internet poking around again today.  I’ve already diagnosed myself with having Mirena difficulties which lead to having it removed, and perimenopause.  And now I am afraid to take any antidepressant than what I was because I have read horror stories in the last two days that will horrify the most horrid!  There is so much information…  you don’t know who to believe…  and if you get to looking at those “Quizzes” where you answer the questions, you will surely be digging in your pockets forking over a copay to every known specialist in America!

I am quite concerned that I am in perimenopause.  But I am only 38.  I should have expected it.  I really did kinda think it would happen to be honest.  After all, I’ve had hormone problems since I was mid teens.  Reading about this makes me quite scared to be honest with you.  Everything out there says that there is weight gain, especially in the mid section.  OH that has always been my problem area anyway!  If I gain or lose one single ounce, it will always be right there, smack dab in the middle of my gut for all the world to see.  Sometimes I poke my stomach out and say “Look, Tim, I’m pregnant.”  And by George, sure enough, looks like I am about 4 months along.  If I stand up straight and suck it in (OH come on, you know you do that too!) then its less noticeable.  That gut area is always the first to come, first to go.

Then I read on over in other areas on the net about Mirena and its side effects.  Guess what’s on the list?  WEIGHT GAIN.  Now let me just say, I wouldn’t mind gaining ten pounds.  Why, that is a lie.  I must take that back.  I would mind, but it wouldn’t be as bad as say, twenty to forty pounds like I have been reading!  This concerns me.  I mean, what if one medical condition caused me to gain and I couldn’t stop?  Even though I eat correctly, I still “expand” in the middle area?    It’s not the ten pounds I’m worried about.  It’s twenty, thirty.  Questions of “what if” flood my mind.

But then, as I told my friend, I can’t control what happens.  I can’t worry myself and let these “what ifs” steal my joy.  I am just going to hope and pray that the new meds change will work.  And if it’s perimenopause or Mirena, we will just deal with that as it comes.

Me:  “MOTHER NATURE, why must you torment me so?”

Mother Nature:  “Because I can.”