Posts Tagged ‘control’

Several years ago, NBC came out with a show called Fear Factor.  They helped people who had phobias or deep seated fears to overcome them by confronting their fears head on.  I watched a few episodes, and I remember thinking, “So what if i have a fear of jumping out of a 50 story buildling.  It’s not like I SHOULD or NEED to do that!”  But it makes for good television.  I do believe, however, that there is something very freeing about facing one’s fears.  Being up close and personal with it helps you see it wasn’t as bad as your mind played it up to be.

This week I’ve discussed fear of weight regain.  And, most specifically I wanted to discuss HOW this affects my everyday life.  I don’t walk the streets saying, “oh my God, oh my God, I’m getting fat!  I cannot eat anything.”  It does not affect me like that.  Some people have so much fear of regain that they do not eat much.  They restrict the number of calories in that they hardly eat anything!  That does not describe me whatsoever.  I do eat food.  REAL food.  And protein supplements including protein shakes, bars, chips, cookies, bread (for a list of products that fall into these categories, look on my product reviews or protein of the day categories).

My fear seems to afflict me in different ways.  It does not cause me to go without food.  Instead, it plagues my mind at times by thoughts after eating.  Maybe you can identify some of these thoughts in yourself as well.  Here are a few:

• If I eat more than normal, I wonder, “Has my stomach stretched?”  I am able to eat more today than I was a month after surgery.  This thought is something I see, read and hear among wls patients as they progress farther out from surgery.  Just this morning I heard the same sentiment from a friend of mine.  Part of this comes from the fact that restriction is one thing that helps us lose the weight in the beginning, and it also continues working for us as time goes by.  “What if its broke?” seems to be a common fear, for to be able to consume large portions again means WEIGHT REGAIN.
• If I eat something sugary and do not dump or get sick, I panic because I think, “I’ve built up a tolerance.  I don’t have dumping to keep me honest anymore.  What if I know I won’t dump, and start eating crap?”
• Or, if I crave something with carbs, salt or sugar, I wonder, “What if I gain my hunger back and can’t stop eating?”  There are certain times of the month that our body chemistry or hormones change.  Blood sugar levels fluctuate, and it leaves us desiring sweets or carbs.  I also read the same fears on message boards within our bariatric communities.  Yesterday I read a thread about “That time of month” and the cravings for carbs.
• My surgeon provided a list in his manual of foods that I was NOT to have prior to losing 75% of my excess body weight.  I’ve lost over 100% of my excess, met my goals, and now in maintenance.  Yet, when I endulge or treat myself to food that is on the “restricted foods list”, I feel like I am cheating!  It’s almost like breaking one of the ten commandments.  You know God is watching, and one day you will be held accountable.  Recently Tim & I went to Olive Garden where I ordered pasta with my chicken dish.  Now while I ate two bites of the pasta and it is not a trigger for me, I felt a tinge of guilt and looked around the restaurant expecting to see (1) my surgeon or one of his staff or (2) someone from my support group!

I am still trying to find balance in my life.  Fear does not completely control me, yet I am aware that it does have affects on me.  And just as the contestants on NBC’s Fear Factor, I face my fear head on, only I do this every single day.  I face the fear when I lift my fork, spoon, knife at each meal.  I face this fear when I sip my protein shakes, and eat my protein bars, chips, cookies…  yes, even those things that are good for me (healthy alternatives).  And I feel that as each and every day passes, my fear becomes less and less.  It just takes time!  For each of my concerns listed above, I know the counter responses.  Here are a few that I remind myself of:

• As for the pouch stretching, my surgeon told me that it was a natural progression.  The pouch will relax and stretch with time.  I have not pushed the limits or done long term damage because I am cautious of what and how I eat.  Plus, it also depends on what types of foods I eat as to how much I can hold.  If I get hold of carby foods, they for the most part are slider foods.  They get wet, become mush, and slide right on out.  Foods that are dense (protein) are heavy, thick, and tend to stay in the pouch longer.  If I am able to eat a lot of food, perhaps what is needed is a reevaluation of WHAT types of foods they are, and whether they are good for me.  I love it when I get full fast on just a little bit of food because it means THE POUCH STILL WORKS! IT AIN’T BROKE!
• As for the “no dumping” thing, I KNOW that I have created those good lifelong habits.  “Train up a child… and he will not depart from it…” Well, my new tiny pouch has had some good training and I fall on those habits daily!  Plus, there is the built in guilt mechanism to keep me from straying too much because I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING!  Besides, I had a huge dumping episode on my birthday and it reminded me that MY POUCH IS IN CONTROL OF ME.
• During that time of month, I gain weight whether I like it or not.  I have to work past the “Oh no, I’ve gained 3 lbs!”  I’ve been in this long enough to know that as soon as its over, that 3 pounds is gone until next month!  My weight always fluctuates.  I must learn to adapt and remain calm.  And, I do allow myself to have small amounts of carbs such as 2 french fries if I am craving fried foods, or a piece of sugar free chocolate if I want something sweet.  I’ve done this long enough now that I know it’s not a trigger or problem for me, and I always decarb right after my period.
• Last but certainly not least is the “restricted foods list”.  The key here is:  restriction UNTIL 75% of the body weight is lost.  I have lost over 100%, and have been given the yellow “proceed with caution” light where these foods are concerned.  While they may not be on the “have every days”, they are on the “enjoy once in awhiles” list.  Moderation is the key.  And, I also remember very early in my weight loss journey my thoughts were “I’ll never eat (such as such) again.”  Oh how that was such naivity!  I now tell people, “It’s not goodbye to food forever.  It’s more like a temporary sabbatical.  But once you meet again, the relationship will be quite different.”

I’d love to hear your ideas of how you counteract your fears.  Or, perhaps you have fears that I have not listed.  Shoot me an email, or make comments on this article.  We’re in this together….