Posts Tagged ‘cysts’

Yesterday when I blogged about my uterus hating me…  I wasn’t too far from the truth.  ACTUALLY, it’s my ovary.  My right one to be exact.  It’s decided to host a party, and a cyst three inches in diameter is sitting on it.  No wonder I’ve had some abdominal tenderness the past few months.  The gynecologist said that we would watch it for 6 weeks, and return for another ultrasound. If it has not dissolved or shrank in size, he will surgically remove it.

We also discussed the other issues:  PMS, cramps, depression, just to name a few of a long list.  Luckily I have been keeping a journal each month since last February of my menstrual cycles, and was able to track period dates, symptoms, any work lost (3 days).  He read over it and once again, we discussed the hysterectomy.  He said we have tried on numerous occasions to get a handle on this with birth control medications, even the Mirena, but nothing over the past five or six years has helped.  This isn’t even counting previous attempts with other doctors!  The hysterectomy is the natural “next step”.  He is not the type of doctor who pushes people towards surgery.

After he left the room, I was discussing the cyst with the nurse.  I asked her to go ahead and set up an appointment with the specialist.  I would like to get their opinion and information as to what they feel needs to happen.  So for now…  we’ll just do some more waiting…  and hanging out in new forums with women who have had/are about to have/considering hysterectomies…  I’ve found one called HysterSisters….  Online support, Here I Come!

I’ve shared quite a bit about my longterm problems with hormones.  And PCOS.  And menstrual cycles.  And PMS.  And PMDD.  Overall, I have come to the conclusion that my uterus hates me.  A year and a half ago, my gyn inserted Mirena IUD.  I visited him Friday for a potassium check and refill on a prescription.  But, it turned out to be just a little more than that.  Last week was the longest, most difficult week I’ve had in a long time where my periods are concerned.  Weds. night it was so unbearable, I drank a FULL glass of wine and went to bed.  I had migraines every day, cramps from hades, and so exhausted that I wondered where the strength would come to make it to Friday.

I did share all of these things with my doctor.  He said that Mirena had not done what he expected it to do for my situation, and that it was time for it to be removed.  (I’m scared to have it removed; the insertion about killed me!)  He gave a few suggestions.  (a) We can try NuvaRing again but there are a few issues with this that he does not like, such as the hormones it puts out.  (b) We can try birth control again.  I’ve been on so many through the course of 20 years and none have ever helped my “situation”.  Why would I think it would do any different THIS time?  He seemed to have that tone in his voice that hinted or alluded to the same thought.  (c) I could have a hysterectomy.  He wasn’t giving me any definite direction, only laying out the choices. Monday (tomorrow) I return for an ultrasound of my ovaries.   Afterward, he will review the records and pictures, and go over his recommendations.

I’m no stranger to hormone issues.  And, I have always felt that I’d end up having a hysterectomy early in life.  Fortunately, I’m 39 and not had one yet… so I was incorrect in my fears.  I don’t have children.  I’ve never wanted children.  But, having the option TAKEN from me, and not being the one who chose not to have kids really bothers me.  I about broke down in tears there in the office on Friday.  I was angry, resentful, disappointed!  In general, I felt so ripped off.  Many “what if’s” and “I wish” flooded my mind.  I feel like I’ve had my future stolen from me.  I’m not in control of my life but it is in control of me.  I hate that feeling.

When it comes to my eating, I am so controlled.  I can control and manipulate everything about my diet, exercise, change the numbers on the scale if necessary…  increase or decrease my daily calories to provide the desired results…  and can I just say I LIKE IT THAT WAY!  But I do not like it when I feel out of control in other areas.  Tim says I grow very testy, moody, upset, fly off the handle very easy when I am not the one in control over what is happening to me.  That is so true.  I don’t know if its just a “Melinda” thing, or a “wls” thing.  He actually discussed it with my best friend who told him that before wls, I was never like that at all.  I was quite the opposite…  So back to my hormone issues….

This is completely out of my control.  And, I don’t like it.  I’m not sure yet what will be the outcome, but I may need to make some health decisions based on what is BEST, not what I WANT.  I’ll keep you posted.