Wednesday Mar 10

Posts Tagged ‘PMDD’

« Older Entries
Jan
26/10
Last Tuesday
Last Updated on Tuesday, 26 January 2010 08:12
Written by Melinda
Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

I liked this picture; it explained how I feel sometimes.  Especially given the past few months when daily life consisted of bitchiness, moaning and groaning because of cramps, depression, feelings of despair.  That Mirena really did some numbers on me!

It was exactly one month ago tomorrow that I had Mirena removed.  Last Tuesday, I started getting a little anxious AND  biotchy again.  I was in the living room working on the internet, Tim asked me something, I jumped through my teeth at him.  And, I immediately thought, “Gosh, where did that come from?”  I had to apologize to him because the truth was, I just felt so daggone jittery, irritable.  I had been feeling so much better!   It was getting close to my period, so I decided to take the advice of my PCP.  I snatched the Lexapro bottle out of the closet (I no longer take it, but am on Wellbutrin) and took half a pill before going to bed (5 mg).  The next morning, I took another half.  For the next three days, I took half a pill in the morning, half at night.  It seemed to help my anxiety.  This is how I was originally told several years ago to take the Lexapro to help symptoms of PMDD.

Friday came.  I felt crampy.  Saturday, oh garsh!  It was even worse.  Sunday, and I was in the bed until 2:00.  Monday came, and I was STILL cramping!  This period seemed to be the worst I’ve experienced in quite awhile, perhaps a year and a half.  I hardly had a flow while on Mirena.  Oh yes, I had cramps but not for four days!!  From what I have read, the first period after Mirena removal is the worst.  I’m feeling more like myself today.  I am noticing a huge change in  my behavior and personality.

This is no lie…  or exaggeration.  But, my tolerance to stress was horrible.  Anything & everything just set me off, sometimes to the point of swearing/profanity.  I hate to admit that, but PMS/PMDD sure changed my behavior.  I could not handle frustration or stress at all.  My nerves were on edge 24/7.  I felt a knot in my gut all the time, and sometimes I felt as if I couldn’t fully catch my breath.  Those feelings appear to be gone.  I still have a residual headache, but it has decreased by 98%.

Life seems to becoming a little more “normal” for this PCOS’er.

Tags: , , ,   |  Posted under Health Issues  |  Comments  No Comments
Feb
26/09
Tomorrow Came Today
Last Updated on Tuesday, 5 January 2010 08:21
Written by Melinda
Thursday, February 26th, 2009

Last night all I could think about was “Tomorrow it will be better.”  I was holding out, persevering until “tomorrow” because quite honestly, I felt like AN EMOTIONAL WRECK.  My hormones are raging all over the place, causing my feelings to just become all knotted and jumbled up inside.  I am moody, paranoid, want to cry for sadness, want to yell for anger, oh I am just confused…  So I kept thinking that tomorrow would be a better day…

And guess what?  It is!  So, tomorrow actually came…  today!  I am feeling much calmer after a hot bath, snugging on the couch watching tv in my warm blankie, and getting a good night’s rest as I turned in early.  Dang hormones.  I was also bothered quite a bit yesterday about the gyn changing my antidepressant, and the fact that either Mirena or perimenopause was at the root of all my problems.  And, then I started worrying about “what if” (fill in the blank).  When I am premenstrual, I worry a LOT.  It’s just the nature of the beast, I do believe.

Tags: , , , , , , ,   |  Posted under Health Issues  |  Comments  No Comments
Feb
26/09
Menopause, Mirena, Who Knows
Last Updated on Tuesday, 5 January 2010 08:23
Written by Melinda
Thursday, February 26th, 2009

Of course the gyn is going to change my meds for depression.  I got on the internet poking around again today.  I’ve already diagnosed myself with having Mirena difficulties which lead to having it removed, and perimenopause.  And now I am afraid to take any antidepressant than what I was because I have read horror stories in the last two days that will horrify the most horrid!  There is so much information…  you don’t know who to believe…  and if you get to looking at those “Quizzes” where you answer the questions, you will surely be digging in your pockets forking over a copay to every known specialist in America!

I am quite concerned that I am in perimenopause.  But I am only 38.  I should have expected it.  I really did kinda think it would happen to be honest.  After all, I’ve had hormone problems since I was mid teens.  Reading about this makes me quite scared to be honest with you.  Everything out there says that there is weight gain, especially in the mid section.  OH that has always been my problem area anyway!  If I gain or lose one single ounce, it will always be right there, smack dab in the middle of my gut for all the world to see.  Sometimes I poke my stomach out and say “Look, Tim, I’m pregnant.”  And by George, sure enough, looks like I am about 4 months along.  If I stand up straight and suck it in (OH come on, you know you do that too!) then its less noticeable.  That gut area is always the first to come, first to go.

Then I read on over in other areas on the net about Mirena and its side effects.  Guess what’s on the list?  WEIGHT GAIN.  Now let me just say, I wouldn’t mind gaining ten pounds.  Why, that is a lie.  I must take that back.  I would mind, but it wouldn’t be as bad as say, twenty to forty pounds like I have been reading!  This concerns me.  I mean, what if one medical condition caused me to gain and I couldn’t stop?  Even though I eat correctly, I still “expand” in the middle area?    It’s not the ten pounds I’m worried about.  It’s twenty, thirty.  Questions of “what if” flood my mind.

But then, as I told my friend, I can’t control what happens.  I can’t worry myself and let these “what ifs” steal my joy.  I am just going to hope and pray that the new meds change will work.  And if it’s perimenopause or Mirena, we will just deal with that as it comes.

Me:  “MOTHER NATURE, why must you torment me so?”

Mother Nature:  “Because I can.”

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,   |  Posted under Health Issues  |  Comments  No Comments
Jun
11/08
PCOS, WLS, PMDD, Any other abbreviations?
Last Updated on Tuesday, 5 January 2010 08:32
Written by Melinda
Wednesday, June 11th, 2008

I’ve been blogging away lately. About nothing if you notice. Not about deep hearted stuff. Truth is, I’m depressed. Blame it on hormones. Lord knows it’s that time of month, and my first period since getting the Mirena. But these past few weeks I just have not been by myself. Since Thursday, I have not wanted to see anyone. I forced myself to visit a friend in the hospital who had surgery. I love her dearly, but there is something inside that just wants to be alone. Another friend had surgery awhile back and I was supposed to go up to Kentucky to visit over the weekend. I could not find it in myself to go. I used to get like this before wls. I did not want to talk on the phone, write about my emotions as they are too hard to explain, and spend a lot of time alone which I don’t normally do.

One way I spend time by myself is to go shopping. I visited area Goodwill stores on Saturday and Sunday. I was racing through those racks and a thought crossed my mind. “Melinda, what are you doing? I think you have a serious problem.” I was entirely consumed and focused on the clothes that I was looking at, while another lady nearby just sort of moved a few dresses around on the rack. I had gone through 3 sections to her 1! I’ve been shopping a lot lately. It helps me feel better. It’s the only time I feel happy. Otherwise, I’m not in the general feeling of “happy” lately.

Poor Tim. I’ve slept in the spare room two nights now. I’m not upset with him. I am in love with him very much. Yet, still I just don’t want to be with people right now. At present, he’s in the living room watching tv while I’m in bed in the spare room on the laptop where I will probably sleep again. My head hurts and the joy that I found on my online support groups are not a joy to me right now. I know in my heart that this is just hormones, but honestly and truly, I grow so weary and tired of going through these emotions! I have thought seriously about getting back on anti-depressants, but part of me says that I have come so far. I don’t want to become dependent on medicine just because I am suffering from some PMS symptoms.

The reason I write these things is because I did suffer tremendously from PMDD (SEVERE PMS) prior to wls. While I cannot 100% empathize with people with bipolar or other disorders, I feel that I have experienced just a small touch of what they must go through. It used to be so bad, I would flee from my house late at night because I felt so stir crazy and boxed in. Normally I would drive 20 minutes to my mother’s house, go straight to my old bedroom and go right to bed. Once she came and laid down on the bed with me, hugging me close and it made me feel safe. Otherwise, I didn’t feel safe. I felt sad and lonely and cried for hours. This occurred one day a month, but the days prior to it (approx 9 days) were just leading up, feeling sad, more sadness, and then depressed.

Now while I may wake up in the morning and feel like my normal cheerful self, tonight I do not feel that way. I am just “waiting” for it to pass and hope that tomorrow will be a better day. That’s how I’ve been living for the past week… waiting for it to pass.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,   |  Posted under Health Issues  |  Comments  No Comments
« Older Entries