Thursday Jul 29

Posts Tagged ‘PMDD’

Feb
26/09
Tomorrow Came Today
Last Updated on Tuesday, 5 January 2010 08:21
Written by Melinda
Thursday, February 26th, 2009

Last night all I could think about was “Tomorrow it will be better.”  I was holding out, persevering until “tomorrow” because quite honestly, I felt like AN EMOTIONAL WRECK.  My hormones are raging all over the place, causing my feelings to just become all knotted and jumbled up inside.  I am moody, paranoid, want to cry for sadness, want to yell for anger, oh I am just confused…  So I kept thinking that tomorrow would be a better day…

And guess what?  It is!  So, tomorrow actually came…  today!  I am feeling much calmer after a hot bath, snugging on the couch watching tv in my warm blankie, and getting a good night’s rest as I turned in early.  Dang hormones.  I was also bothered quite a bit yesterday about the gyn changing my antidepressant, and the fact that either Mirena or perimenopause was at the root of all my problems.  And, then I started worrying about “what if” (fill in the blank).  When I am premenstrual, I worry a LOT.  It’s just the nature of the beast, I do believe.

Feb
26/09
Menopause, Mirena, Who Knows
Last Updated on Tuesday, 5 January 2010 08:23
Written by Melinda
Thursday, February 26th, 2009

Of course the gyn is going to change my meds for depression.  I got on the internet poking around again today.  I’ve already diagnosed myself with having Mirena difficulties which lead to having it removed, and perimenopause.  And now I am afraid to take any antidepressant than what I was because I have read horror stories in the last two days that will horrify the most horrid!  There is so much information…  you don’t know who to believe…  and if you get to looking at those “Quizzes” where you answer the questions, you will surely be digging in your pockets forking over a copay to every known specialist in America!

I am quite concerned that I am in perimenopause.  But I am only 38.  I should have expected it.  I really did kinda think it would happen to be honest.  After all, I’ve had hormone problems since I was mid teens.  Reading about this makes me quite scared to be honest with you.  Everything out there says that there is weight gain, especially in the mid section.  OH that has always been my problem area anyway!  If I gain or lose one single ounce, it will always be right there, smack dab in the middle of my gut for all the world to see.  Sometimes I poke my stomach out and say “Look, Tim, I’m pregnant.”  And by George, sure enough, looks like I am about 4 months along.  If I stand up straight and suck it in (OH come on, you know you do that too!) then its less noticeable.  That gut area is always the first to come, first to go.

Then I read on over in other areas on the net about Mirena and its side effects.  Guess what’s on the list?  WEIGHT GAIN.  Now let me just say, I wouldn’t mind gaining ten pounds.  Why, that is a lie.  I must take that back.  I would mind, but it wouldn’t be as bad as say, twenty to forty pounds like I have been reading!  This concerns me.  I mean, what if one medical condition caused me to gain and I couldn’t stop?  Even though I eat correctly, I still “expand” in the middle area?    It’s not the ten pounds I’m worried about.  It’s twenty, thirty.  Questions of “what if” flood my mind.

But then, as I told my friend, I can’t control what happens.  I can’t worry myself and let these “what ifs” steal my joy.  I am just going to hope and pray that the new meds change will work.  And if it’s perimenopause or Mirena, we will just deal with that as it comes.

Me:  “MOTHER NATURE, why must you torment me so?”

Mother Nature:  “Because I can.”

Jun
11/08
PCOS, WLS, PMDD, Any other abbreviations?
Last Updated on Tuesday, 5 January 2010 08:32
Written by Melinda
Wednesday, June 11th, 2008

I’ve been blogging away lately. About nothing if you notice. Not about deep hearted stuff. Truth is, I’m depressed. Blame it on hormones. Lord knows it’s that time of month, and my first period since getting the Mirena. But these past few weeks I just have not been by myself. Since Thursday, I have not wanted to see anyone. I forced myself to visit a friend in the hospital who had surgery. I love her dearly, but there is something inside that just wants to be alone. Another friend had surgery awhile back and I was supposed to go up to Kentucky to visit over the weekend. I could not find it in myself to go. I used to get like this before wls. I did not want to talk on the phone, write about my emotions as they are too hard to explain, and spend a lot of time alone which I don’t normally do.

One way I spend time by myself is to go shopping. I visited area Goodwill stores on Saturday and Sunday. I was racing through those racks and a thought crossed my mind. “Melinda, what are you doing? I think you have a serious problem.” I was entirely consumed and focused on the clothes that I was looking at, while another lady nearby just sort of moved a few dresses around on the rack. I had gone through 3 sections to her 1! I’ve been shopping a lot lately. It helps me feel better. It’s the only time I feel happy. Otherwise, I’m not in the general feeling of “happy” lately.

Poor Tim. I’ve slept in the spare room two nights now. I’m not upset with him. I am in love with him very much. Yet, still I just don’t want to be with people right now. At present, he’s in the living room watching tv while I’m in bed in the spare room on the laptop where I will probably sleep again. My head hurts and the joy that I found on my online support groups are not a joy to me right now. I know in my heart that this is just hormones, but honestly and truly, I grow so weary and tired of going through these emotions! I have thought seriously about getting back on anti-depressants, but part of me says that I have come so far. I don’t want to become dependent on medicine just because I am suffering from some PMS symptoms.

The reason I write these things is because I did suffer tremendously from PMDD (SEVERE PMS) prior to wls. While I cannot 100% empathize with people with bipolar or other disorders, I feel that I have experienced just a small touch of what they must go through. It used to be so bad, I would flee from my house late at night because I felt so stir crazy and boxed in. Normally I would drive 20 minutes to my mother’s house, go straight to my old bedroom and go right to bed. Once she came and laid down on the bed with me, hugging me close and it made me feel safe. Otherwise, I didn’t feel safe. I felt sad and lonely and cried for hours. This occurred one day a month, but the days prior to it (approx 9 days) were just leading up, feeling sad, more sadness, and then depressed.

Now while I may wake up in the morning and feel like my normal cheerful self, tonight I do not feel that way. I am just “waiting” for it to pass and hope that tomorrow will be a better day. That’s how I’ve been living for the past week… waiting for it to pass.

Apr
28/08
Hormones Gone Wild
Last Updated on Tuesday, 5 January 2010 08:39
Written by Melinda
Monday, April 28th, 2008

Since my ninth grade year, I’ve had a series of hormone problems stemming from PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) and Insulin Resistance/Metabolic Syndrome. At that time, doctors were not as up to date in their treatments as they are now. But one thing I was placed on was birth control. After all, the main thing was to get my cycles regular. I’ve had some gynecologists say that it did not matter whether or not I had a monthly period. Now to me, this is a big deal. I hate having them, but come on! That’s the way our bodies were designed by the Creator.

For many years, I did not pursue treatment. I felt like a guinea pig in my early twenties because the doctors tried so many different approaches. I just got sick of the medications (I had a medicine cabinet full!) and said “Forget it all.” I did not pursue treatment again until the past ten years. As a matter of fact, my mother and I diagnosed myself with “Insulin Resistance” after perusing the internet for signs/symptoms. The medical doctor I was seeing at the time did not want to diagnose me with that until running a couple thousand dollars worth of labs. I kept asking him “Can you do the test to show whether I have Insulin Resistance?” As a last resort, and him being stumped, he ordered the test. Guess what? I was right.

Several years back, I had two roommates, both guys. I decided to take an even further step in finally having my period. I didn’t have one for a few years at that point. I knew that as soon as I started any treatment at all, Lord everybody should watch out! I knew that it was about to unleash the most terrible little demon inside of me… moodiness, emotional outburst, frustration, PMS or heck on wheels, whichever you choose to call it. I advised my roommates, thank Goodness they were best friends, “Now when I start taking these little pills (Provera), everything is going to change!” Josh, one roommate said later that I had never spoken the truth so much in my entire life than I had on that day! Needless to say, I suffered greatly with PMDD (the worst PMS you could experience!). Instead of one week a month, it was reverse….. THREE weeks a month! It made me feel crazy!

I lay this groundwork to say that I’m having my periods every two weeks now. I called the gyn’s office and have a morning appt today. Not sure as to what he will suggest, but where I used to never have a period, now I can’t seem to get rid of them! And y’all wonder why I can be so irritable, frustrated, anxious! LOL… Give a girl a break!

Now there are certain birth control forms that are best for gastric patients. My doctor suggested Ortho Evra patch but it is now causing me some problems. He also suggests Mirena, which is a device inserted into the body. My health insurance does not want to cover. I work for a Catholic Charities facility and they view this for birth control purposes only. This means that I must write a letter of appeal, presenting medical records, doctor letters, etc. to prove that this is the best resort for me. The gastric bypass further complicates things because of the malabsorption problem, not to mention the fact that I have taken many birth control pills and they either make me sick or cause PMDD emotional upsets. It appears right now that it was easier to get my gastric bypass and tummy tuck covered than it will be getting this IUD covered! And it has nothing to do with birth control at all. Instead it has to do with my hormones and problems related to it. <sigh>